I do,

And I know it's pure willpower as well.

The thing is that people think it's just a switch you can flip (and in a certain way it is). And some people can easily. I did with and addiction years ago. Woke up and realized what was going on and said nope.This is starting to influence my life. Not any more. Only to years later find something else to drown my problems in.

For a lot of addicts, whether it be food(sugar, fun fact: a lot of addiction research of the past years has been turned upside down because of the discovery that mice are as vunerable, or more, to sugar as they are to opiates) or alcohol or drugs , it's not that easy.

The drug in question, whether it be sugar or alcohol or meth, is just part of the problem. It's a way of life, a way of escaping something or filling some hole in your life. And that is what makes it so hard. Having a hole in your life which you've filled up for a long time with something else. And when you stop, it's there again and far more pronounced. And you know that all you need to do is just take a little more again and you know it would solve the problem, just for that moment. And not doing so is making you feel worse and worse and worse all leading to this 'fuck it' moment where you just think 'It doesn't matter, I can't change this anyway and I'd rather feel not feel like shit'. And that is the point you have to push through.

But DAMN that is a hard point to push through. Every fibre in your being and everything you have done in the past x amount of time is saying 'hey you know.. there is this very easy fix for this. We can just worry about this tomorrow and then tomorrow I'll certainly figure this thing out'.

And then tomorrow comes and you find another excuse why you should just start TOMORROW and not today. And the next day it's 'But the weekend is coming up and I have this obligation, so I'll start on monday'. And monday you think, yes this is the day. And you do. And you feel miserable. And after spending a sleepless night you say to yourself: 'You know, this sucks but I did it today. This means I can do it. I deserve a reward. Just for today' and fall right back into it again.

And every morning you think 'This is the day'. You imagine how life will be once you've beaten your addiction and how great everything will be. And then there is that point in the day where you feel absolutely miserable. Nothing mathers, it's going to end this way anyway.

You are in a constant battle against yourself, taking even more energy out of you and making you feel even worse and more worthless. Making it harder to push through.

Yes, addiction is something you control yourself. But it isn't easy, far from it. And I'm not saying Boogie doesn't have the best chance there is, with a lot of support and if he doesn't do it, it is solely on him. And he knows this. And stupidly enough, this puts pressure on you and adds another layer of stress.

Don't underestimate how hard addiction is. Or how much it feels out of your control. Even when it might not be. It is a vicious downward spiral that, while from the outside looks to have a simple solution, seems like you have to climb Mount Everest every single day, while you have the option to stay cosily in your tent at base camp telling yourself: Tomorrow will be the day when I change things and actually climb that mountain'.