I honestly did not know it was expected that you send a gift to a wedding you aren't attending (destination or otherwise) - i don't send gifts to weddings i don't attend. I also don't send a congratulation note or card when i get an invitation, you're apparently supposed to do that. I'm 30, i've gone to a lot of friends' weddings in the last 7 or 8 years - i've never once received (or expected or wanted) a thank you note for the gift i gave. All that is to say, there are a lot of these senseless etiquette "rules" and from my experience people often either don't care or don't follow them these days. If i was your friend or a family member i wouldn't have attended your destination wedding and it wouldn't have occurred to me to send you a card or gift for a wedding i'm not attending, it wouldn't have been a slight on you or your wedding choice.

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Now, i'm not saying that's what happened with the family member(s) here - obviously some people are just going to get shitty about stuff like this, i just wanted to give an alternate perspective, that to me, i don't think it's reasonable to expect gifts or cash for a wedding most people won't attend.

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I think at the end of the day, you had the wedding you wanted and that's great and you kind of just have to leave it there. A wedding is about the couple, sure, and where you have it and who you invite is and should be your call, but if you choose to have a destination wedding where most people aren't going to attend, or you elope and invite no one, you have to expect it's going to rub some people the wrong way and even if they shouldn't, they're going to make it about themselves.