I always was a loner. It's not that I dislike people, quite the opposite, but when I'm around them I feel the need to drop them and be on my own. I hate being alone and I can't find people I connect with.

I never had a date, I never attracted someone that just enjoyed my company. At 32 years old with only loneliness, everything I do sound hollow. And it gets worse when I meet people, I talk to them, learn a few things about them, and just can't understand them. I don't get how they live, I don't get how they think or flirt.

The more I see how I'm irrelevant and witless, the more I realize nothing makes sense, and my life makes none at all.

I won't kill myself, not yet, I still have some books I want to finish. I set a date at 35, once I reach that one, I will just off myself, nothing makes sense.