Looks a lot better but still needs work. Best I can do.

She looked at me when I entered the room, and as I looked at her she was tired and distraught (I still wouldn’t use looked twice in the same sentence). Clenching her stomach, (no comma) she said, “This nausea and pain is unbearable,(period, semicolon) I want to, but can’t today”. She was upset with herself that she was unable to go through with the imaging(what type of test? You can establish yourself early here). I sat down in the chair next to her, and with a kind and gentle voice, I talked with her to ease her frustrations. “This is not your fault,(period, semicolon) I’ll reschedule this for you, just call me if you feel unwell that day”, I said, in a calm and reassuring voice. Through the discomfort, she nodded and then smiled as she felt reassured. To be the helping hand; a calm, soothing voice for a patient going through the most difficult time in their life is a blessing. Cancer can be debilitating and the testing dehumanizing. To be the caring soul during one’s darkest hour can change all of that and make them look through the treatment with a sense of hope and optimism. It is moments like this I realize I want to foster longer lasting personal connections with patients and make a greater impact on patient care by being a physician assistant. There is(was) not a light bulb moment that caused me to want to work in healthcare. I have always been told I have a gentle and caring disposition. Furthermore, I enjoyed healthcare-associated courses in high school, which ultimately drove me to pursue a career in nuclear medicine (I still think this transition needs work). (During) My first year of college I lacked the time management skills to implement my ambition. What caused my academic performance to improve dramatically was my intentional effort of making small daily actions that together had large impacts. I sought help from the tutoring center to improve my time management skills and asked high performing colleagues how they study. By recognizing (my time management problem) the problem, analyzing how to fix (it) my time management skills, and making guided, intentional efforts to correct it, I was able to make the dean’s list the following semester and beyond. It is these attributes of effective problem solving, adaptability, hard work, and determination that I developed that I believe (rephrase) will aid me in my pursuit of becoming a remarkable PA. My hard work paid off, and I entered my clinical nuclear medicine phase. It was there that I learned what it meant to serve and to be a part of a healthcare team. I cared for patients collaboratively, alongside doctors and nurses. In my clinical experience and as a registered technologist I have learned valuable communication and teamwork skills that are crucial as a technologist and as a PA(rephrase). It is essential to discuss information, such as patient history, to fellow technologists, nurses, and radiologists to determine and obtain the best study possible for a patient (this seems out of place). It was also during my clinical phase I learned more about the role of a physician assistant, when I had the honor of teaching PA students about PET/CT. I learned that the attributes acquired as a technologist (,such as) of good teamwork and communication (,) are instrumental for a successful PA (rephrase the last bit). I honed my teamwork and communication skills, and I genuinely enjoyed working as part of a team where knowledge sharing leads to improved patient safety and outcome. For these reasons I know I want to become a PA, and I am confident that the skills I have acquired will help me succeed in the profession. As with my desire to work in a(n) allied health profession, my desire (don’t use desire twice) to become a PA did not occur overnight. Nuclear medicine allows me to work with all the body systems, from thyroid to bone studies. We (get to interact with all different types of patients and) see a wide array of pathology(end of sentence) and I enjoy this variety. Learning about the role of a PA I found that this is also the case, (rephrase) (the following should be a new sentence)they can work in many specialties from primary care to orthopaedics. (the following sentence should prob be the start of a new paragraph) Caring for the underserved and rural population at my hospital has been rewarding, but I realize that I also want to have a greater impact, to treat and diagnose, and walk with patients through their healthcare journey. I had the opportunity to shadow several PAs to gain more insight on how I could achieve this goal. To see the PAs I observed work closely with the physicians to diagnose and treat patients holistically in many different specialties was inspiring and made it apparent that this is the field I am meant to be in. (Join with previous paragraph) A particular moment that inspired me was when I shadowed a PA in the emergency department. A grief-stricken mother came in with her ill toddler with a very high temperature. The PA took the time to explain procedures, answer questions, and actively listen to the mother’s questions and concerns which put her at ease. All the while, he was very gentle and light-hearted with the child to keep him calm. It was moments like this that made it clear that I could further serve people using my clinical abilities by becoming a PA. I fervently strive to become a PA like the one I shadowed that night by being humble, kind, helpful, and making that personal connection with each and every patient I see.