Oh well.

Love a girl. Really sure I love her. 'cause I've only loved once before and this is how it felt. That one didn't work out.

This one too. Why? "I don't think I'm ready for a relationship with anyone right now." (She's been telling this for almost a year now)

We met on the internet 2 1/2 years back. She a rookie journalist fresh out of college. Me still in college, final year, later to work in an ad agency. She was the funniest girl I ever met, she was smart, sensitive, sensible and was "devilishly" funny - we got along like fire.

We had chemistry. Talked online and on phone for long. Didn't fall for her fast 'cause (you can call me shallow here) she wasn't that hot.

But slowly I fell for her. Slowly. Taking time. And bam! I wanted her madly. Now she was in living in an entirely different state. And we didn't how or when we would meet. I opened my heart to her. She said she isn't ready for a relationship with anyone right now.

As far as I know, in the course of a year and a half, she didn't date, made out once or twice maybe. I went through 2 fucked up flings that had nothing going for me except sexytimes.

FINALLY, NIGHT BEFORE YESTERDAY, WE MET IN MY CITY. For 3 hours. We had supper, drank a bit, walked in the dark city streets, it was haunting and beautiful. I re-realized my love for her. I can't push it back anymore. randians, you getting me? That confidence when you know this is the one for you. She is. I love her so much and we are so good together.

I don't kiss her on the way home, except on the cheek, when we hug and she walks back to her hotel.

I open my heart to her AGAIN. And she gives me the same old.

I am (mildly) saddened. Back home after work, listening to Yeah Yeah Yeahs, Radiohead, The National - crunchy guitars and smoking in the dark.

Unsure of the next step.

Do I suck it up, stay quiet, move on completely or do something absolutely crazy (like landing up in her city and surprising her) because I know I can do that?