Not living with my ex-gf anymore as of this weekend. I hate her so fucking much. All she's done for the last year is just take advantage of me because we have 2 kids together, and she knows I would do anything for them. She left me back in September of last year because of some guy she used to "date" before she met me 10 fucking years ago! So she gets with him, WHILE living with me. Eventually she comes clean saying we should break up before she cheats. All this hits me like a sack of fucking bricks, as up until that point I thought everything was fine. I mean, I've supported her, and our kids since the beginning! I'm only 25, make around 50k, and have done everything in my power to make sure we never lacked anything. She went years without even working. Next thing you know, she's moving out. I have to befriend her and remain okay with the whole situation so that I can continue seeing my kids, and didn't want to go through court. They're 2 and 7, and they love me. I love them. I'm their father. My argument with her throughout the whole thing was just because things didn't work out between us, it did't mean that the kids should only see me 4 days out of the fucking month. Fuck all that. So we remain friends for the kids. One week with their mom, one week with me. It got lonely as fuck during that week I wasn't with them but it got easier. Fast forward to March. I'm finally okay with seeing her and not just wanting to talk to her about us. We have kids, so we take them to eat together and places to have fun with them. Essentially, "pretending" to be a family. It hurt seeing her some of the time, but I always took advantage of whatever time with my kids. So one thing leads to another, as it always does, and we get back together. She moves back in, the kids are ecstatic as ever. I have my family back. Everything was great, and we were heading on a new path, it seemed. We were finally seeing things eye to eye, and really communicating like we hadn't in a long time. Really connecting with each other. Well that lasted for about a month and a half. One day in May she just got out of the bed and said her back hurt so she was going to sleep on the couch. No worries, this happens I think. We should get a new mattress? Fast forward to today. She's been on that couch for about 3 months. Since then she's told me that she began talking to some other guy. Only told me that from going out during those 3 months and coming home at 5am on multiple occasions. I may have been an idiot. I may have been stupid. I may have just been turning the other cheek, but I knew what was going on. I didn't care about it. Only cared about the time I spent with my kids. I knew the minute I told her, an argument would happen, and she'd move back in with her mom. I'd have to go back to seeing the kids every other week. Which, we've done before but I just wanted my kids to have stability. To have a place to call home. Sure my condo isn't the most luxurious but it's in a great neighborhood, and it's theirs. They have their room, and they can be themselves there. Anyway, my contract is up at the end of this month. I decided not to renew it, and move into a smaller apt only suitable for my kids and I when they come live with me. She isn't on the new lease, and knows that she isn't welcome to come over like the way she was during the time we were broken up earlier throughout the year. Yes, there were times when she finally told me about the guy that I told her to get out, and a couple times throughout the 3 months she's been doing her own thing...but she doesn't respect me. She takes advantage, and uses the love I have for my kids against me. At least, that's what it feels like, anyway. As I type this I'm at work, and it's her day off. Guess where she's at with our little boy? You got it.

The other day I was so fucking done with her bullshit that it was 1am and I was kicking her out. She was out the door crying asking me where she was supposed to go. I didn't give a fuck, I told her to call anybody. Call her friends that are "always there for you", call your mom- tell her the truth, tell her you're fucking some guy while living with me, call the guy you're fucking tell him you need a place to stay. She's just standing there crying telling me she has nowhere but here. I told her to think about that for a second. Think about what the fuck she's doing. Look at where you're at. You don't have a home here. You don't have a home anywhere. Eventually I caved in because I'm a bitch, and she's the mother of my kids. She slept on the couch. I'm giving those couches away at the end of all this. Can't even stand to sit on them.

I'm taking her to court Friday. I need this little agreement we have for joint custody to be settled in court. The last thing I need is for her to one day decide to pull back on it. Everything was already settled with the lawyer, and it's going to be happening. I just need something in writing. I don't trust her. Not after all of this...

So to answer your question, I'm looking forward to never having to deal with my ex's bullshit again. The thought of not having her around me, draining me for all of my energy..I already feel the relief. The thought of that keeps me going. Not having to put up with any of her shit anymore. Always so negative, always has a problem for every solution, always just being a fucking bitch all the fucking time..

But, I'm not looking forward to not being able to wake up to my kids jumping on my bed, and me being able to kiss them goodnight every night. I'm also not looking forward to her being with the kids for a week. She's a good mom I guess. She does the essentials. She feeds em, bathes em, things like that. But if you could imagine it, she isn't the warmest person in the world. She isn't the most 'loving' of people. The 7 year old already has her figured out though, she can handle herself. I had to raise her to stay on her toes at all times. The 2 year old...I worry for. I do everything to make sure my kids feel the love from me. They know I love them..

Anyway, I've been kind of keeping this in from everyone because it's pretty humiliating to be going through again, so now it's out on the internet for everyone to see. I almost don't want to post this, but fuck it. It felt good getting off my chest.