"I won't be anywhere near the top"... well, okay, since when is that a requirement?). And you don't want to drop out again... so don't. That's under your control. To be honest, it does kind of sound like the reasons you don't want to go to college are because you don't want to be an adult--to do the things you have to do as an adult, which is getting things done that you aren't inclined to do because you're not great at them and don't like them. That's probably part of what she and he mean about becoming an adult.

There are many ways to grow to adulthood and college isn't part of all of them, but overall, a college education will give you the biggest payoff over the course of your life. You don't necessarily need to dump a lot of money in it, you can get quite far going to a cheap community college that has a transfer admission agreement or similar setup with a state university. If you don't want to drop out, then grow some fucking character and don't drop out.

If you're truly "bad at math" then you won't really be any good at programming. But if what have is holes in understanding and a talent for some aspects of math and not others (which is typical) then as you explore more self-directed learning you'll probably find and be able to concentrate on areas where you excel. You might find a more business-oriented technology degree to be better for you, or something unrelated to what you do for work (which is fine, I have had a very good technology career and do not have a comp sci degree; but having the degree itself is valuable whether you use it directly or not).

You can make it your goal to go to a community college that offers an AS degree or vocational program certification at the end of a two-year program, and the possibility of transferring to a four-year school. That way you can pursue a college education without being out a ton of cash and get something of value if you don't complete it.