I play lots and lots of MMOs. It's my only escape. I'm a complete, I mean COMPLETE loser in real life, and they give me a persona to hide behind. People I meet can't judge me from the moment they see me.
I sometimes wonder if I'm autistic. My social skills are horrible and I hate being in public. Then again, I know I have OCD due to having most of the symptoms, like list making, counting , and touching things to make them real (if that makes sense).
I can't get doctors to believe me about the other stuff, so I doubt they'd believe me about autism. I tried to get treatment for my OCD, the doctor put me on Ritalin again and said I didn't have OCD, that I was self diagnosing for attention. I guess I was touching things and making lists, and counting for attention also? The Ritalin did nothing for me as usual, beside make me more irritable. Been put on it off and on since I was 13, when my mother was convinced I had ADD. Went to a doctor and got a diagnosis of it, without the doctor even seeing me. What a joke.
I recently went to the doctor for depression not suicidal, but having a real problem just making it through the day. The doctor told me that I had nothing to be depressed about and it was all in my head, that I was just wanting medicine for attention. I also told him that I hear noises and voices, yeah I know it sound like I'm making stuff up, whatever. It can't be schizophrenia, as I know the voices aren't real, but most people with it listen to the voices as they were real. I was told I didn't and to stop wasting his time.
I sit at home all day and put in applications that don't get me any interviews. I can't stand being in public more than a few minutes, I get really paranoid. Maybe it would make it easier for me to find and keep a job if I could be called disabled, though. They see an able body and expect you to keep up with normal people, and I can't. My social skills are horrible and while I can come to the same conclusions to problem as others, it takes me longer because all the crap going off in my brain 24/7.
My family hates me, because mental illness isn't real, and I'm just a lazy bum. I am literally terrified of what will happen when one of these places actually calls me. The whole faking my way through an interview and trying to act normal. I hate it. I have no friends because I told them all off years ago. I got so sick of listening to their problems, but the moment I need to talk to someone, It's all "Dude, sorry man, but I got to go." Didn't have the money to pay their way anymore, like dinners and movies. Friend is just a nice word for leech.
I lost my last job 6 years ago. I worked at a retail store that had a oil change place in the back. I used to be a ASE certified mechanic before my problems manifested themselves, so it was the best job. Easy, I mean super easy work. The only problem was the other employees. I was considered a ass kisser because I came in to work on time and did my job, and my managers liked me. I'd even fix a lot of things the other broke, like dipstick tubes, or oil sensors, and lots of stripped wheel lugs, and save the shop a lot on insurance claims. They would come in 15 minutes late with a chicken dinner, and go sit in the back and eat before getting to work, if they even showed up at all.
I lost the job when a new guy, who was late or out most of the time, came in on a Friday and asked me to work his shift that evening so he could go out. I told him no, my shift was almost over and it was my weekend to get my son. He went to management and told them I would work it and left. I left at my normal time. I came in the next morning and was pulled into the office. I was written up for walking off the job. They told me they didn't want to do it, but if it went on the new guy they would have to fire him, and we couldn't afford to lose anyone as we were short handed.
I told them to go fuck themselves, how dare they transfer the shift to me without talking to me. I went to work and the guy came up to me and asked me why I walked off his shift. I told him to stay the fuck away from me. He followed me into the wash up area and punched me in the head from behind, I turned around and beat the shit out of him. I was fired for gross misconduct and insubordination. Yeah, I know I handled that wrong and deserved to be fired, you don't have to tell me. I was lucky I wasn't sued. I ruined my own life. Guess that's why no one will call me in for an interview. I get a few interviews and everything goes well up until how long I've been out of work or how I lost the job. Not going to lie to them, I hate lying.