I've got a story. Not about me but pretty close to it.
For my own personal reasons I didn't feel ready for a relationship until my mid 20s. I started working out and built some confidence and finally got on those typical gay hook up apps. It was weird initially because I never got one hello but a plethora of dick pics and backed out. Tried again a couple months later and the first guy there was, to me, so handsome and his eyes had some much behind them that I turned into this alpha male full of confidence about to go for what he wanted. There was no hello, I just told him that we should meet up and get stoned and he replied with his digits. As soon as I got off work at midnight I changed clothes and headed to his place which was literally a mile from my home.
Let me just tell you, he was nothing like what I was used to aka manly white trash men. He was flamboyant and laid out his persona pretty thick. I'm super intuitive and knew this wasn't really him so I used my amazing personality and broke down all his walls in two hours. It got late and we said goodbyes and I left. He texted me the next day wanting to hang out but I ignored him all day while I mulled out whether or not this was a person I wanted to get to know. Days later I felt guilty for ignoring him so I thought what the hell, if anything we could at least be friends. The next time we hung out he made a move on me that caught me so off guard that I turned away and left. I thought about it all day until I realized that maybe he tried to kiss me because he liked me which was something I had NEVER experienced. The next night we met up I told him I owed him something and kissed him. The next couple weeks were so exhilarating. Me and this guy were spending time together and getting to know each other and it felt nice. Until...
After a month of us dating, I went to his place to chill and he got in my car totally sloshed, beer still in hand. I knew something was up. He spent the entire time we sat in my car telling me things that I guess he thought would scare me away. I brushed it all off until he mentioned his side job and how if I judged him for it then so be it, I could leave it I wanted to and life would go on. I was like lol as long as you're not a hooker teehee!
Well he didn't have to stand on any corner but he was having sex with other men on camera. I was more upset at the fact that we had been having unprotected sex and he didn't think to tell me until now. He had done 2 scenes and had one scheduled in a few days, however it was all right before we met so I had no right to judge his life choices. I did ask him questions that were important to me, namely how much he was paid. When he told me I got pretty upset. This guy had so much to offer himself and the world and was worth way more than what he was paid. I told him I should probably leave and that was it. I went home and looked him up and when I saw him in those scenes I had to burst out laughing to keep from crying. I had no problem with porn but I knew I had a tough decision to make.
It felt weird laying in bed all night not knowing what to do. Honestly I was like damn I've been dating a really sexy guy and peeps are jacking off to him. As I lay there I realized that we were at the same house party 5 years earlier. The guy I was hooking up with pointed him out to me and said he looked like my type. His face had been waiting in the recesses of my brain and the universe gave me an answer. If we had met 5 years ago it would hAve meant nothing to either of us. We each spent those 5 years in our own personal dilemmas, drugs, and questionable choices. It felt like life brought us together at this moment to bring us a sense of relief and security and, hopefully, the unconditional love we both had been without.
Of course I didn't tell him all this. Instead I acted easy breezy and didn't make a big deal about it. I did tell him that our short month together was not in vain and I had no problem continuing to date but I didn't want to share his affection with other men. And that was the end of his short lived porn career. He had always wanted to do it and it he did. He had no problem telling the casting director that he wasn't going to continue. When you watch someone remove something from their life to be with you without any qualms, it reinforces your feelings for them and it makes life worth pushing for. At this point in time we have been together for 3+ years and I have never loved anyone more than this man in my life, besides Britney Spears.