I have 2 who make me crazy on an hourly basis but nothing like my friend's daughter who sounds way too much like yours. Idk how either of y'all deal with it. My bff looks more run down and haggard every time I see her. She is nothing of the person I've known for 31yrs.
I knew her before kids, during her pregnancies, watched them grow, although sometimes from a distance until her POS ex got kicked out of the Army. She was vibrant, full of life, funny, and BEAUTIFUL. Now, after the ex and these kids, she's a shell, just nothing left.
In fairness, daughter was abused by dad, my friends ex. They were married 20+ yrs and both kids were his. Daughter spent time in/out of psych hospitals, now, since the divorce, daughter is dropping all these new trauma events on her at once. Things she says she couldn't tell mom before out of fear or repressed memories or just "completely blacking out her entire childhood until age 7". My friend feels guilty over not having left him years sooner and getting the kids out of there but, again in fairness, she was being abused as well. She hid it very well from me, her family, and it was easier to do since they lived so far away. Now, with the things her daughter is telling her, the guilt is palpable. Like u can see it on her shoulders, it's visibly aging her so fast.
Now, daughter is currently 22yrs old. Didn't finish HS and is "working" on her GED. She won't stay med compliant saying they don't work, regardless of what kind/dose/mix or says they don't have medication for "her diagnosises".
Weed, on the other hand, seems to work just fine.
She's also had several new diagnosis added in just the last few years.
She says she's unable to work "regular" jobs due to the stress and anxiety causing panic attacks and lasted maybe 2 months tops at any she has tried (fast food and mom said she called in at least 1x a week).
She wrecked the car she was given and relies on my friend for everything. Shelter, food, weed, clothes, her dogs food (dog was brought home without permission and is a total fng monster), everything from shampoo to TP.
I've heard her lecture my friend about her choice of words and my friend being "abusive" by disagreeing with her instead of "telling her what she wants to hear". It progresses to full on gutteral shrieking screams as she "disassociates" or shifts or whatever she calls it. Ive even heard her question my friend about money, why her mom wasn't able to hand over cash, and asking how much "they" had.
I could go on but suffice to say it's awful.
She supposedly has ADHD, anxiety, manic depressive, DID (which I'm told is the new way to say bipolar or multiple personalities), PTSD, something about fighting against everything...idk anymore.....oh, she's also NOW saying she's on the autism spectrum since she was misdiagnosed as a kid. Supposedly this is all coming from her therapist who also has some lovely little gems to say about and "diagnose" my friend with even though she's met the woman ONCE and never had any kind of sessions. Daughter claims she's the only "emotionally intelligent" one since she's been in therapy and the rest of us refuse to change. She popped off to me once when I was at their place saying "I'm not....daughter's name". I guess was an alter but I said "ok, let me know when she's back cuz I don't have shit to say to u and PLENTY to say to her".
She's the only income, daughter has been denied SSI/disability and even she doesn't have a car since hers fell apart. All she does is work and hide in her room. I've had hours long convos on the phone with her when she's off but just sitting at work cuz she doesn't want to go home. I try getting her out for different things but our work schedules seem to never match or she's got a reason to not go. Add in the son's BS (usually about money) and she's going to drop dead from stress.
Now, again in fairness, daughter has seemingly had a bit of a change recently. She's gotten a part time job (hasn't started yet), and has started finding a little of her own money by donating plasma or things like that. I still think it's too little too late.
My friend doesn't have any major illnesses like u (that she's told me about) but she looks like she's got one foot in the grave.
Idk what the answer is for either of y'all....well yah, actually I do, but my friend is never going to put her out, alone, with nothing.
Prayers to both u guys. U are stronger women than I could ever be.