Throwaway.

41 year old female here.

So I decided to run outside real quick to make sure I threw out the trash at midnight.

Suddenly, the back sliding door is locked. It's pitch black outside.

I'm panicked. Whispering to my husband "Ted...TED...TED!!!" and frantically, but softly knocking.

Finally he comes over.

I say "Ted, I locked myself out, open the door."

He says "What are you doing out there?"

I said, "Don't mind that, just open it!!!"

He says, it's so dark, why are you talking all nervous? I can't even see you.

I'm pleading with him to just open the door.

Finally he says "I won't open it until you tell me why."

So, through gritted teeth, blushing red, I admit it.

"...I'm naked."

He says "WHAT?!"

I said "I'm fucking naked Ted! Open the door!"

I had thought I would just take a few steps outside, see the trash out there, and run back in. Of course the door slammed on me.

He then turned the back porch light on, and there I am.

Tits out to the world. Under a freaking spotlight.

As naked as the day I was born!

I'm covering myself frantically and he is laughing his ass off.

Finally, as I nearly had a heart attack when a neighbor's light went on, he let my bare ass inside after I yelled "TED IS THE KING!"

Nothing more stressful for a woman than that, but I had nobody to blame but my own nude self! lol