[Serious] Adult childrens of alcoholics, how did it affect your life growing up and how did you get through it ?

My father is an alcoholic, and growing up dealing with that was rough. My mom and he separated when I was young, around age 3 and I used to visit him every weekend. While visiting him on the weekend Friday would always be my favorite time to be around him before things got ugly. By noon on Saturday he would be passed out on the couch or in bed. He didn't just drink though, he would get all of his responsibilities taken care of first (shopping, yard work) and then he'd pass out for a few hours. There were plenty of real issues though, he'd get verbally and sometimes physically abusive. Then he'd wake up Sunday and it remember a thing. Quite a few times he told me to go die somewhere with my mother. As a little kid I just forgave him and acted like those things never happened. It was the 4th of July 2009, and I was 16 years old and he got really drunk and we got into an argument and he actually pushed me down the back stairs of his apartment building. So we ended up getting into this huge fist fight and I knocked some of his teeth out. Once I got back home I swore to myself I'd never talk to him again. In trying to make this story short, I ended up calling him a few years later after I had come to accept who and what he was. He didn't and still doesn't want help. It's something that I've had to just learn to live with. If I want to speak to him I know I need to catch him at a time when he will remember what I say to him and that's usually during the work week. I do however visit him from time to time with a few childhood friends and we all have some drinks together, play a game or two or basketball on the hoop outside and hangout. The older I've gotten the more I understand and forgive him for what he has done in the past. He has a disease and I don't let anything he may say while drunk bother me. He's my father and I do regret cutting him out of my life for almost 5 years. It's something everybody will handle differently. In my personal experience, loss has actually brought us closer. He lost his mom (my grandma) last summer and just recently I lost my best friend of 15 years to suicide, and he grew up with me. He lived next door to my dad so he'd always be around. These are just my personal experiences though. Accepting is what has helped me.

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