I was using Alli (Orlistat), a weight control suppliment that causes you to not absorb fat and thus shit-out all the oil. So I ate a whole plate of nachos with chili, not to mention a half-dozen beers. A few hours later my stomach started rumbling and feeling pretty bad.

I had to fart. This was my first mistake. One does not simply fart while talking Orlistat. All of the unabsorbed oil went to the bottom of my intestines and what I thought was going to be a simple passing of gas was an explosion of hot stinky chili oil all over by boxers and running down my pant legs. Fortunately, I was home when this happened. So I ran into the bathroom and immediately got over the toilet.

Because my asshole was already greased up, there was little to no sphincter control. The shit came out of me and was unstoppable. So much grease came out as well that it all floated to the top of the water and looked like I poured in two cups of red chili oil. The smell was pretty horrific. It smelled like shit and chili. I could actually smell the jalapenos and see red kidney beans in it. Make me want to puke.

Then the 2nd problem set in. All the spice jalapenos mixed with the oil and starting burning my asshole and backside like it was pepper spray. I couldn't simply just wipe it off, and it was still burning. So I had to jump into the shower and use a lot of soap to get it off. Even after the shower, my asshole burned for about an hour or two. The underwear and pants went straight into the trash can. No point in trying to salvage them.

Lesson learned. I stopped using Alli after that and to this day I am still scared to fart.