I am almost 25. When I was 14 I swallowed a bottle of aspirin, because it’s a blood thinner, and had a screaming match with myself in a hot bath while holding a steak knife. I ended up puking up the aspirin and crying really hard. I went to school later that day. A couple months later I came home from school, tied a noose, climbed a ladder, tied the other end to a tree in the back yard. Today, I poured a glass of rum wile looking at that tree. I still consider ending it all, even though that one particular branch fell down in 2020. I feel like a failure, like I’m worthless, unnecessary, unneeded, and unwanted. I honestly don’t know what keeps me going. I’m going to go make a sandwich with that same knife I almost slit my wrist with about 10 years ago and really think about what keeps me going. Maybe I’m too strong, maybe I’m just too weak, or maybe someday I’ll have a real answer.