Recovering alcoholic here.
I was in denial for a few years, because I had it in my head that an alcoholic was someone who excessively drank every single day - you know, the type of alcoholic often shown in TV or movies. So I was able to convince myself that I wasn't an alcoholic, because I wasn't drinking a bottle of vodka every day. I reasoned that sure, while I was drinking frequently at 2- 3 times a week (which became 4-5 times a week after I lost my job in January this year) but I wasn't drinking a lot, only one or two drinks. I only got really drunk at social events and parties. I would tell myself that everyone has a beer or cider when they get home from work, right? Even though I was drinking what was basically diluted shots since my tolerance was pretty high at this point. I would tell myself that I didn't get drunk that frequently, and everyone my age gets wasted at parties, right? And so in this manner I was able to justify my drinking to myself for a very long time.
I knew alcohol was bad for me, but I couldn't stop. I needed it to relax or feel good about myself, especially after I lost my job.
My wake up call was surprisingly not the worst thing I'd done drunk. It didn't even involve me throwing up anywhere. It was a Wednesday evening, and I was having dinner with a few friends. I predrank beforehand and had a few drinks there, so I got pretty tipsy. I kept drinking when I got home, ate an entire pizza, then fell asleep.
The next morning I remembered acting like an obnoxious and loud idiot, and regretted getting so drunk. I realised that none of my friends drank that night, as always, because none of them needed to like I did. And that was when I realised that while I might not have been drinking bottles of booze everyday, the fact of the matter was my relationship with alcohol was really unhealthy. I was an alcoholic.
I realised I was self medicating my depression and anxiety, as alcohol was the only thing that ever made me feel happy. I realised I couldn't attend any social events without drinking, no matter how hard I tried. Sometimes afterwards people would tell me that they didn't like who I was when I was drinking. I would always wake up the next day feeling depressed and suicidal, and regretting a lot of the things i'd said or done the night before while drunk.
I attended my first AA meeting the next day.