I was young and foolish, about 16 yo. Was drinking and smoking pot with a friend who just got dumped by his girlfriend after he confronted her about some rumors of her cheating on him (not one time, but two). She admitted the cheating and blamed it all on him (go figure). Anyway, he was a very fun and popular dude, everyone liked him, it never crossed my mind that the end of this relationship would affect him very much (he was that type of man that had girls all over him), and in this god dammed night he chose to play with his brothers guns (he used to do it, shoot tin cans and bottles and inside the house he handled them unloaded), but something was odd that night... he loaded one bullet and started goofing around... Rambling incoherent stuff about moving to a place far away... I was kinda high reading one of his comics, thinking about my own problems (I was kicked out of my house for smoking pot) and he asked me something like "should I do it?", I thought he was asking about finding a job in another city and moving away... And I said something about how we all are independent creatures with free will and that he should do what he thought was best for him and face the consequences.

A moment after, a split second that to this day feels like an eternity... A fraction of time that I dream about going back to and jump to his side and say a different thing passed and he shot himself... Right there 2 or 3 meters in front of me. He died a week latter on the day of his birthday and to this day I carry the guilt that I could have said something, done something or even had the good sense of not drinking and smoking and staying sober and watch out for him. It was my fault, a 18 yo young man killed himself because of a failed relationship and his stupid and self centered "friend" was too high and focusing in his own problems to save him.

I know it's not the same as pulling the trigger, but I could have done something and just stood there like a traffic cone talking shit about freewill and freedom of choice.