When I was around 9, my grandfather had fallen really ill. He was hospitalized and stayed there for a week. I didn't know what the problem was but my parents told me he'll be fine and that the doc said he'd be out in a couple days.

One evening, when I was sitting with him (this was on the third or fourth day at the hospital), he told me about how he's regretted living the way he did the past few years. (He had a drinking problem and didn't treat my grandmother too well. I guess the only reason they stayed together was because divorce didn't seem too practical at their age. They used to sleep in different rooms)

Anyway, so that evening, the whole family had gone back home early except for me and my dad. When my dad stepped out to go to the washroom, my grandfather tried to sit up as much as he could and told me he loved me and that I'd grow up to be a good person. He spoke for a little while longer about how my grandmother would be happier now and things will get better or something. He talked about how all life eventually ends up in death and that it was how nature works and what God intended, and he said I shouldn't cry when he isn't around anymore. Something along those lines, I can't remember, it was over a decade ago.

My dad comes back, says good night to my grandfather and we go home.

The next day, we find out he's dead. They didn't tell me how he died, and I still don't know, come to think of it. I suppose my parents didn't want to tell me cause I was really young and now I don't want to bring the subject up again.

I thought about what he told me and the way he said it but it was only after a couple of years that I realized he was basically telling me he was taking his life that night.

I'm pretty sure if I spoke to him, or maybe consoled him or something, he might have reconsidered his decision and lived for a couple years more. I don't know. I was too young to understand all that and I don't blame myself for it or anything, but I've always thought about how it could've gone differently if I had done something, or even told my dad about what he said.

No one in my family knows about his last conversation with me.