Depression is one of many things I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy.

At the end of the day, I'd prefer to have the satisfaction of dismembering, eviscerating, and doing all sorts of harm to someone I considered my worst enemy rather than eat them away this way because it satisfies no one whatsoever and leaves tears in the others around them as well who didn't deserve that.

Depression creates a hollow that is unfulfilled even when there are obviously fulfilling circumstances occurring.

That, combined with taking care of a senile family member makes it even worse for this redditor. Some days are nothingness, many days are searching for anger or overt ideas of the 'grass is greener' seeking some kind of outlet because I want to handle things but it doesn't get through to my mind. At the end of the day I end up stuck in the hole. No matter how much I try to do good by my family here I lose, no matter how much I want to change my lifestyle I fail. I deal with an impossible situation and see the good in things once in a while but they are fleeting whereas depression is an unforgiving foreverness that governs my every-sought solitude.

I've been held for a few days in wards for depression years ago, twice, and it was when I finally broke and thought those around me would be better off without me. I dealt with that depressive tendency deeply through that time and still it didn't sate the hollow in my mind, but at least I could see the sun a bit brighter when leaving even though that vision was fleeting.

Once in a while, a good cry is all you need to get through a tough few weeks, but for me it takes a dozen beers and a sad song to finally bring it out and even then it feels hollow. I'm a pretender in my own skin most of my real life; trying to be positive towards a family that should have written me off when I failed at college and to a grandmother who doesn't remember every pep talk I give her two minutes after I talk with her.

I've really just been keeping myself busy and that's held it back but I know that when she goes, I go, and it's not too unrealistic a foresight. Maybe my mind will go, maybe I'll go off the rails into alcoholism, maybe this mindset will change and I'll be free in some way, but the hollow will still be there, as A Perfect Circle justly described.