How little they seemed to care, how much alcohol ate up their time, how I had constant anxiety about whether the lights would be turned off, but we always had beer in the fridge.

How they treated my older siblings like friends to party with when they were in high school or dropped out. How I saw a girl with a line being ran on her when I was 10 because of house parties or the random men who would try things with me when wasted.

All the nights with fights and my siblings and I standing outside waiting for the shouting to stop. Or the time I told them about being molested at 4 by a 15 yr old cousin who blackmailed me with it throughout my childhood. They invited him to my nieces 5th bday party 2 months later. He’s in prison now, thankfully.

A decade since I talked to them, and good riddance.