I appreciate the concern and I plan to go back into counseling once I find another job. Lost my insurance sadly. For now, I usually try to vent my tendencies through harmless things (or at least what I subjectively deem to be harmless) like reddit. Kind of like relieving pressure from a valve you know? I recently got fired from my job and went up there over the weekend to throw my trash in their dumpster (because I missed trash night) and then went to the trashcan under the pavilion and dumped the trash on the ground and threw the can off into the field.

I honestly don't know why I do this stupid shit. It's like I'm addicted to the weird adrenaline rush of some kind of twisted notion of power and in between the moments of adrenaline, there are moments of clarity like now where I kind of calm down and can almost somewhat rationally explain it.

Sadly the American healthcare system sucks but it's my only option and I continue with it because I love my wife truly and don't want to lose the only good thing I have in life. Which is why I'll inevitably delete this post among others. I've had my fun but now I just feel bad lol

Thanks for the genuine concern. Sorry for putting ya through the ringer like a douchebag lol