[Serious][Single] I've [23 M] never had a girlfriend. How can I change this within a reasonable amount of time?

Hi nontal,

Thank you for personal message, I don't wish to take up more time of yours than can be reasonably afforded.

  • I've been on dates, and I've been very close, emotionally and physically, to women my age in the passed/past. We've had [non-sexual] fun together, enjoying eachother's time, company, and personalities. I wouldn't say I've flirted with them, ie, sexual innuendos or physical touching, but I know that I've felt VERY comfortable in each others company. I've not been friend-zoned because I'm afraid of making advances if this is the result, or worse off, I "creep" someone out and ruin something good. I personally feel this is my "downfall".

  • Where I am right now in life, I don't meet many "new" women. I work in a small office, with 3 "proper"/"older" women: I'm the youngest person there. I like to think I make friends easily in group settings; I work as a recruiter, I'm very used to talking to people I've never met on the phone and finding out about this new person I've met. I'm proud I can translate this skill and confidence away from the telephone. One thing I've realised about meeting new men is that they are very open and welcoming: "older" men from my rugby club, "geeky geezers" at tech meet ups, "the lads" from my old school all welcome me, even if my "friendship" with some of them is "light". I feel sometimes that women I meet on nights out, in bars and pubs (in a talkative setting), react badly to my presence: I don't recall I a lass I hadn't known to be glad I was taking much interest in them. Club dance-floor wise... not great.

  • I used to play a lot of rugby, but I quit during University (I needed glasses at that time). I studied Computer Science, and I consider myself very geeky, perhaps overbearingly intelligent. I can see how this may put people off: a persistent "know it all" is not often a welcoming character, but I don't go out of my way to show off/prove myself right. I used to program a lot, to build up a resume/CV, which landed me a 9 to 6 office job (my first!). My job now takes up the majority of my weekday time, but I love all aspects of it. I probably should go to the gym more, but if I do, I'd go alone. I used to be motorbikes, but I sold mine due to a lack of maintenance. I spend some time too with my family: my granny, my little cousins, my older cousins, my parents.

  • I live in a small city of 30,000 people. The number of people here on a daily basis can easily double: typically tourists or day workers. I sometimes think I'm missing out on "daygame" opportunities, but I put myself down with the thought that I'd never see this person again (if they aren't here on a permanent basis). Perhaps it's this pessimistic thought that's stopped me from meeting a "good match", but only in the hope that there's a "good match" that lives in my city "permanently". There's lots of things to do here: dolphin trips, mountain hikes, driving cars, coffee breaks, beers in the sun, relaxing at pools/beaches, but because of the closeness of the community, I don't believe I'm alone in thinking there's "tension" when you meet someone you sort-of-know-through-that-one-friend-that-one-time-at-that-one-place.

I'm not sure what you'd make of this; I'm sorry to talk in cryptically.

/r/relationships Thread Parent