As a man late 20's who has been with a fair number of women and never paid I can understand where you are coming from but I feel that your perspective is fairly limited. You think they are unfair to their wive and I would argue that "marriage" is just a contractual lock on a Man's finances and genitals. I identify as an alpha male and I would resent any woman that told me what to do. Asking is fine, I listen, I am compassionate, and I am much more willing to make compromises than almost any other men I meet or see in relationships. Still I wont let a woman tell me what to do or tell me who I can have sex with, that's not true, rather I wont let them tell me I can't have sex with other women. I would allow my wife (If i ever get married) to make decisions about extramarital relationships as I would want her to feel respected and comfortable. Still even being open about my beliefs with women, I feel I see a lot of woman who view the outer appearance of monogamy as loving and the lack of it as disrespect. Yet I feel that as an Alpha male a female trying to limit my access to woman is incredibly disrespectful. Beta males may be fine with a situation of monogamy because it grants the pair exclusive sexual access to each other. However being alpha and having sexual access to an unlimited (multiple women a day) number of women I have no incentive to take this situational compromise.

While I do identify with you that it is skeezy of them to try and make rationalizations/justifications for their actions and to put you is a situation where you feel uncomfortable making them feel okay about what they do. You have to blame the societal construction that equivocates monogamy with loving commitment, and everything else as being a terrible filthy unfaithful scumbag. I find it just as repugnant that there are so many spineless "men" that will let a woman tell them what they are and aren't allowed to do with their own genitals. People are sheep and conform to the restrictions and ideas society places on them, they are victims of a culture that demonizes male sexuality, and human sexuality in general.

Culture & social constructions, fabrications presented as fact and people are foolish to abide by them, the wise and strong of mind will shrug off shackles of ideology and not be restricted by the opinions of the weak minded.

I forge my own path, I am without restriction, I am the unencumbered mind.