Pretty much every encounter with my birth father. Very volatile and abusive father who would take his anger out on me for not being able to predict what he wanted out of me. If I woke up early and watched tv until he woke uo? I was a disgusting lazy slob who ignored her duties. If I woke up early and quietly cleaned the house and prepared breakfast? I was a fucking idiot who should know how dangerous cooking without supervision is. If I let him sleep in I wasted time we could have spent together and if I woke him up I was robbing him of sleep. Every weekend id make a mental note about what he told me and id do that the next weekend and get in the same amount of trouble. After the explosion, I'd be sent to my room and after a while hed come in and apologize for reacting in such a way but explain that it was my fault for being such a bad child and that if I behaved, he wouldn't have to get so mad. I would get so frustrated with myself that I would punch myself in the face as punishment for being to stupid to know what he wanted and for ruining another weekend. I was so frustrated with myself for not being good enough to keep him happy. One time, he was teaching me how to cook and I did something wrong so my arm got pressed against the little frame inside the oven the surrounds the open part. Months later, I cooked him food as I was expected to and got a frying pan taken off the stove and swung at me. He once held a pillow over my face until I passed out for having a panic attack during a tickle fight. He used to lock me in the bathroom and make me show him how I wiped to make sure I was doing it right. He'd give me adult sized portions and freak out when I couldn't finish it all. I once had a panic attack on an amusement park ride that was so bad the dude stopped the ride to let me off and I was slammed against the side of the building we were in (it was an indoor amusement park sort of deal) for wasting his money. It sounds crazy but I never really thought much of it as he always explained that the punishments were my fault because I was a bad person and they would stop if I was only good but no matter what I did I was never good enough.