I worked with a girl for a little over a year and we became close. She dated an acquaintance of mine and when they broke up and her and I hung out and it was apparent there was something there, I called him to tell her we were going to start dating and I wanted him to hear it from me first. I was a good, honorable person.
Her and I dated and he never went away. He spread rumors about her, that he was sleeping with her, etc. and it got ugly. I'd see him drive by her house, by my house, and sometimes I'd catch her talking to him. She assured me she was handling it. Finally after over a year, it stopped. I loved this girl so intensely that I doubled down on her with every rumor. She got it to stop.
We took a trip to Rome. It was beautiful. She later remarked that she wished I proposed there and that we never left. She wanted to start over and with me. We had a long talk about how she doesn't need to and how I'd support her through anything.
I gave her my virginity months later after it's a given that we will get married. I was very religious and this meant the world to me. She was so sexy and the sex was so good. This is all way long ago and it's still the best I've ever had. Every time. She got lingerie and stuff. I remember she just got some and somehow lost the panties. Even better. We got more experimental but she was a little conservative and that was ok.
We moved in together and she started a new job. She was nervous and I remember what great care I took of her to calm her down. I was like a surgeon who could remove all that her prior life tragedies had done to her.
Then I don't know what happened to me. I got lazy I guess. I didn't care like I should have and I checked out. I regret it every single day even 8 years later. I resented that this guy never went away or I guess I thought after putting up with so much I was allowed to take it easy? I really don't know.
We moved in together. She soon decided maybe she would stay with her friend during the week because they drove together. I was sad but ok I understand. Her friend and her changed cell carriers and shared phones. After about 6 months she said she wanted to come back. Just before she did, she started applying for new jobs and she got an internship at a federal agency we won't name. This meant she had to move to DC.
It was for one year, largely unpaid. We talked about it and it set the rest of her career up so we decided she needed to go and I'd help her pay for whatever it took. The place was really strict and she wasn't allowed visitors so she had to fly home every few weekends to see me. She could barely stay awake when she was over. They were working her to death. I was really getting in over my head, after a little less than a year it was getting near 32k.
My brother gets married. She can't come to the wedding and she never really understood why I didn't wanna get engaged until after he was married. I kept telling her his wife would have been mad that I stole her thunder.
It became hard to get a hold of her and I was worried this internship was doing more harm than good. I begged and pleaded for her to quit this. She was still allowed to return to her old job. I told her I'd support whichever way she wanted to go.
She started talking about how the girls at work talk about sex and we should try some of the stuff we didn't. She flew in for my friend's wedding. I was standing in it so for a while I couldn't be with her. When the ceremony was over I found her at the bar on her phone arguing that she'd be back the next day. She was upset and she said they need her back tomorrow. We pretty much just spend the wedding talking and even though it's awful we just get closer. We talk about how soon this'll be us and we won't have this trouble. As we get more drunk, she pulls me into the coat closet and I finger bang her. Later that night we do anal and I'm surprised that she's kinda a pro.
I get her some toys to keep her company and she sends me videos of her using them when she gets back. She loses one of them.
So finally it's time for us to tie the knot. First, the ring.
My grandmother is a saint. She is a good person to such a degree that even at nearly 90 years old now, she still hasn't missed a weekend spending time with her mentally disabled child with cerebral palsy. She still takes him out on car rides and he claps and smiles. Grandma gave me her ring that she paid for herself. It's not much, a half karat, but it's priceless. I get my girls input and decide to add some more diamonds to it to bring it up to 1 karat total. In addition I took grandmas wedding band and turned it into my own by adding two stripes of gold to it.
I talk her into going on vacation. She goes but is exhausted and so sick she can't leave bed. I had planned to ask in a more special way but instead as we talked I just said that I know it's been hard lately but there were harder times before and we got through it and that every piece of me knows we'll get through it. I said something about how if it takes the rest of my live trying, I'll help her get back to how she felt in Rome about never wanting to leave but that it'd be at home. She's says yes. She goes down on me but stops. She's crying. Says she feels awful. I say it's fine let's just relax. I call my parents. She doesn't.
She goes back to this internship and it's getting impossible to hear from her. I'll get about a text a day if I'm lucky. I have tremendous anxiety issues so I spend every day legitimately worried that someone hurt her. Her mom and I start talking more and more and she can't get a hold of her much either. Sucks but at least it's not just me.
I start planning a wedding. I find the hall, photographer, make the lists and invites etc. I do it all.
Finally my friend's brother, the friend who's wedding I was in calls me. He says he can't stand it anymore. He saw my girl at the mall a few days prior to the wedding and it's been killing him for months not saying so. I say impossible. I picked her up from the airport. He assures me. He says he talked to her when he saw her.
I blow this off. He's mistaken. He has dates screwed up. I call her mom and I'm like hey when is the last time you saw her. She says it's been months but she stopped in on a Wednesday a few weeks ago. A Wednesday? But she's in DC. Weird.
So this has me thinking. I remember when she started this job she mentioned being paired with this guy who lived about 45 minutes away. I look up where he lives and the area code. It's the same as that new phone she got. I look up more and he has a sister with the same name as the friend she says she was living with.
It is this moment right here I'd like to forget. I put the prior two years together. In an instant, I lost my faith in god, I lost my wife, I lost my family we were going to have, I lost my mind and had to be taken away by emergency services for my own safety. I shattered. I absolutely was broken.
She was with that guy in the beginning. She had taken my virginity under false pretenses. The panties she lost? Because someone else got her in it first. The toy she lost? At this guys place. The easy anal? I wasn't the first. The "have to go back" during the wedding? Him, not DC. My grandmas ring ruined. The wedding I foolishly planned. The $32,000. The sickeness when I proposed? Drug withdrawal. Uppers, to keep her up during the day because: DC? Fiction. She still worked her old job, which was midnight shift.
I've never been the same. I want to be good and honorable again.