It wouldn't destroy my life but I don't want people to know that I've had problems with anxiety for the past five years.

I don't want to tell people because I'm not comfortable talking about my feelings in person. I'm not very sincere and my interactions with people are very superficial, to suddenly talk about a serious topic is difficult and uncomfortable.

The main issue I have is explaining to people why I don't want to do something. People don't take no for an answer unless you have a good enough reason, but I can't give them my reason without revealing that I'm anxious and explaining what that means. There have been so many situations where people spit their opinions at me because I'm not doing them a favor, or because my decision to not do whatever they're asking of me is an inconvenience, and honestly I prefer people thinking I'm inconsiderate and/or selfish to them knowing I'm terrified and looking at me like a wounded animal.

And I know avoidance doesn't help, but nothing else works. I've been to a doctor, I've been to a psychiatrist, and I've been to a support group. I've heard every metaphor and analogy. I've listened to people talk about dietary changes. I've tried every approach. After five lonely years of experience and introspection I feel like I know myself and my anxiety better than anyone, and I'm tired of hearing people say "feel the fear and do it anyway." because I do that every single day and it's fucking exhausting.

I'm just tired of fighting it. I'm tired of hearing fucking metaphors. In five years nothing has improved and forcing myself into an uncomfortable situation can sometimes cause a panic attack that will put me back at square one. It's just pointless trying to fight it, so if I want to avoid a situation, I fucking will.

Kinda hoping there's someone out there who understands where I'm coming from.