TL;DR- my cousin might've been molested by my uncle when we were kids

So my cousin (same age as me) committed suicide about a year ago. He was on my moms side of the family. My moms half-brother (our uncle) used to play with us at family parties.

I remember a few times he would be chasing my cousin or rough housing, and then they would often disappear into another room while running around. I remember a few times trying to follow them because I wanted to wrestle too and my uncle not letting me play. I'd go do something else for a while and then I'd see my cousin come back looking flustered, followed by my uncle..... I recall saying to him, "why can't I play?!" and he would say something like, "you don't wanna play, uncle mike is tough/will beat you up/ it isn't fun" or something to that effect.... all I remember is asking him why I can't play and him convincing me I didn't want to play with my uncle. I was always smarter than my cousin, who turned out to be schizo, so maybe my uncle knew that I'd tell?

But looking back on it now.... I'm trying hard to recall those memories. I don't know if anything happened to my cousin or me, because the memories are so hazy. All I know is my cousin killed himself and no one knows why and I have these memories of us as kids and things seem a bit off in my head. That uncle always acted weird around me, and still does to this day. Like he kinda won't look me in the eyes ever, especially if I shake his hand or talk to him or something. I don't wanna bring it up to anyone, in fact this is the first time I've written these thoughts down. I just wish I could somehow access those memories and know for sure that something or nothing happened to us. For all I know, my brain is totally blocking out something really traumatic.