I have seen a lot of posts on reddit. ABA practitioners are furious that they have to put their lives on the line. Thank you all for sharing. Please, continue to post. I feel that no one's thoughts or feelings are invalid right now. And I appreciate being able to read about how others have experienced all of this.
You may all think I'm crazy. Even I think I'm being an idiot. But I am willing to take the risk.
Restrictions are really tight around here. Not many services are happening, but I want nothing more than to have the opportunity to work again.
I'm in California. The San Francisco Bay Area. More specifically, Santa Clara County. I beleive this was the first place in the US that had confirmed a diagnosis of COVID. There were actually two individuals diagnosed at around the same time. Both elderly, and had recently returned from a trip to China, I beleive. They were both quarantined, and passed away soon after that. They lived kind of out in the boonies, so there wasn't a huge concern at first.
Within a week or two, more diagnoses suddenly sprouted up, and a few more died. Including a preschool teacher in San Jose (largest city in California with a relatively large population). That's when we decided to go on lock down.
I think about 6 neighboring counties agreed to do the same. About two days later, Santa Cruz county went on lockdown too. Then, the governor of California called for a state-wide lockdown. I think at this point, many people around the country still thought we were being a bit crazy. Only like 6 people had died or so. People were saying ridiculous things like we were going to have martial law. Hah.. we wouldn't even have the infrastructure to support that.
And thank goodness for the lockdown. Soon after that, the shit hit the fan in New York. And suddenly, Californians didn't seem so crazy.
That being said, Southern Californians were resistant to the lockdown. Many were protesting because they wanted to go to church and they wanted their precious football back. Just look at LA, Riverside and Orange county now. It's tragic. LA county is close to 100,000 confirmed cases. That's the worst in the country. I feel terrible remembering how I thought all of those protestors were being stupid. Now, I feel so much sympathy, and I wish them all the best.
Meanwhile, in Santa Clara County, restrictions are still real tight. Especially in San Jose and Santa Clara. Some places have opened again. Most of them are only doing curb-side pickup. But you have to wear a mask and stay 6 ft. away from others. Actually.. the governor decided last week to enforce that state wide. It seems like Santa Clara County has been one step ahead.this whole time.
But it's working here. Although COVID is steadily on the rise, it's very, very steady. We have less than 4,000 confirmed cases.
That being said, there's not a lot of ABA services happening. Even with telehealth as an option, families just don't want services. I lost my job because I was averaging at 6 billable hours per week, and none of my clients wanted direct services. Which is fine. Clients should always have the right to terminate services. That's more important than my career or my desires, by far.
I've decided to leave. It's great that confirmed cases have stayed so low here. The county is being smart. San Jose is populated by many multigenerational households. Many households have like 8 people residing in them. If San Jose eases up on restrictions, this place is fucked.
But I cant do this anymore. I live alone. My mental health is deteriorating. I'm turning to old vices that I left behind over a decade ago. And they are nothing but destructive.
My career is what brings meaning to my life, and currently, I am not experiencing a life that I feel is worth living. When this all started, I would say, "it's fine. This sucks now, but it will soon be over." But now, I don't think this will be over for a very, very long time.
I accepted a job offer, and I'll be moving to Oakland soon. The incidence rates are worse there, but I am willing to take the risk. My new job will require very few in-home visits. I'll mostly be doing telehealth. I just need some form of human contact. I don't give a shit if I can be on unemployment and still have the same income. Many of my peers say that being on unemployment is awesome, and that this is like a nice long staycation. They're buying all kinds of shit and upgrading their things at home so that they can stay occupied. To each their own.
As a behavior analyst, it's pretty obvious that I am just not contacting very much reinforcement. It's hard for me to work towards most of my values right now. I've noticed that most of my values (e.g. cooperation/ collaboration, harmony, trustworthiness, loyalty, companionship) require contact with other human beings.
I've gone weeks without speaking to anyone except for my psychologist, who I see via telehealth calls once a week. I don't have family that I can turn to, not even for a phone call. I was in a romantic relationship for 10 years, and just before getting married, my fiance called it quits because she thought I was a workaholic, working late into the evening everyday. I am still recovering from that, and have not really made an effort to find a new companion in life.
And beleive me- I know this is risky, and maybe it's stupid. Trust me... I know.
So allow me to end my crazy tangent with one final thought:
It seems like we can't be certain about a lot of things right now. But there is one thing I can say with certainty: I have to keep moving towards the things that are important to me if I am going to make it through this. Wish me luck.