They expected too much of me as a child. Delivered every ounce of that. As I grew up they started claiming they never asked me to do it and it was actually me you enjoyed doing it. No mom I didn't enjoy studyin 16 hours a day. Now with depression I can't give that anymore. I started hating them because they will be dependent on me in the coming years and I don't have the option to kms. They feel like a burden to me. Something that I can't escape from because of the guilt it will create. I know it's just depression talking and I don't hate them and try my best not to show any resentment towards them but I don't love them either. Actually I don't love anyone in my life. There is this disassociation from family, friends, everyone that I know. I actually don't care if they leave. I am good to them because that's the right thing to do, not because I love them. Don't know how to explain this. Ngl if my family dies the first thing I will do is put some metal in my brain. I just want to stop existing. This life ain't for me.