Subaru Dealership Crashes Owners Brand New WRX

There's two Adventure Subarus out there. This is the OH one, not the AR one. Here's their "About Us" in satire form:

Adventure Subaru, located at 1991 Mentor Ave in Painesville, OH, is your premier retailer of new, used and reconstructed title Subaru vehicles. Our dedicated sales staff and top-trained technicians are here to make your auto shopping experience fun, easy and financially advantageous for us. Please utilize our various online resources like our Facebook page to give us the 1-star rating we deserve today!

Adventure Subaru - New and Used Car Dealership in Painesville

If there's one thing we want everyone to know it's that at Adventure Subaru we aren't here to make you happy. We're here to make ourselves happy. That's what we want from the time you walk into our showroom looking for the new or used Subaru vehicle of your dreams to the day you want to trade it in at a loss because one of our employees crashed it.

In addition to our lineup of high-quality vehicles that offers many choices for drivers with different wants and needs, there's also our car service and repair center. Which you're going to need after we've crashed your vehicle. We train and retrain to help ensure the vehicle you buy or lease from us continues to satisfy you for hundreds-of-thousands of miles to come, despite deer-related front end damage. What's more, we use certified Subaru parts that are also available to the DIY-types out there. This way, you know you're vehicle is being treated right, from start to finish. (I don't have anything here. They used "you're" wrong.)

Speaking of being treated well? Adventure Subaru takes one stressful part of the car buying experience and turns it in to a BIG positive clusterfuck by crashing your vehicle with only 1300 miles on it. That's thanks to our team of Subaru lease and loan specialists. Here to make sure all of your finance needs are met, they work hard crunching the numbers and ultimately provide an all-around pleasurable experience for our own bottom line - some even go so far as to call it unmatched in it's audacity and shameful remorselessness.

Of course, the best way to learn more about our commitment to you here at Adventure Subaru is to talk with us. See firsthand how poorly we treat you if you really don't understand that you're not a person to us, but just a dollar figure. Call, send us a note online, or stop in to our showroom during regular business hours. We're located at 1991 Mentor Ave Painesville, Ohio and would love to answer any questions you might have. We might not give you honest answers or answers you will like or rightfully deserve, but we'd love to tell you whatever we want you to do.

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