So I do some of these behaviors and I’ll explain why I personally do them.
Hovering in the kitchen is anxiety related. It’s easy to flee and over see what’s going on. Growing up I’d get pulled back down onto the couch if I tried to leave my sisterwbpd and I could be randomly hit by her if I let my guard down. It became a habit to sit at the edge of a seat or stand when I felt unsafe or anxious.
“Hey look at this!” Would often be met by something cruel wether physical or mental. Growing up things like this were a test. I had to have the appropriate physical and verbal response my sisterwbpd wanted or I’d be screwed. If I didn’t look I couldnt get the response wrong. I’ll ignore people sometimes if I don’t trust them or want to engage with them.
I don’t do the other two, but the last one is something I see in varying degrees of my people with BPD. Anyways I wouldn’t consider the first two dominant behaviors, I think they more likely stem from anxiety. I’m colder towards people and distance myself I don’t know really well and trust with my vulnerability because of my history of abuse what you’re describing sounds more like this.
It’s definitely about control in a way, at least for me. It makes a lot of sense for someone with BPD to do this to loved ones.