Was their approach to sex really weird?

Yes! Sex was on a whole nother level with her. I'm going to share an experience that I had that will always stick out to me but it's very disgusting so if that kind of stuff bothers you than stop reading. Me bpd was obsessed with giving blowjobs claimed to love giving them if she was lying she definitely fooled me. Anyways one day she wanted to give me a very ruff and forceful blow job,which she did. She became so ruff with herself and put such an extreme amount of pressure on her esophagus or whatever you call that thing, that she eventually ended losing her lunch and emptying the contents of her stomach all over our bedroom. After something like this you think most people would stop, but nope not her. She refuses to stop untill shes finished which ultimately means I finish, which means she's refusing to stop until I ejaculate. It was the most fowl and disgusting experience i had ever had while having sex. She thew up all over the lower region of my body and all over herself, mainly her chest and It was all over the bed blankets, I vividly remember what it was and what it looked like because we had biscuits and gravy that she had made that morning and it was by far the worst smelling vomit I have ever smelled. I could smell the milk she used to make the biscuits and gravy with. I remember feeling so uncomfortable wearing it and smelling it while trying to manually finish as fast as I could cause the only thing I could think of was getting in the shower and washing myself off. I don't know how I myself did not throw up.

Sex was on a whole nother level with her. I'm going to share an experience that always sticks out to me but it's very disgusting so if that kind of stuff bothers you than stop reading. Me bpd was obsessed with giving blowjobs claimed to love giving them if she was lying she definitely fooled me. Anyways one day she wanted to give me a very ruff and forceful blow job,which she did. She became so ruff with herself and put such an extreme amount of pressure on her esophagus or whatever you call that thing, that she eventually ended losing her lunch and emptying the contents of her stomach all over our bedroom. After something like this you think most people would stop, but nope not her. She refuses to stop untill shes finished which ultimately means I finish, which means she's refusing to stop until I ejaculate. It was the most fowl and disgusting experience i had ever had while having sex. She thew up all over the lower region of my body and all over herself, mainly her chest and It was all over the bed blankets, I vividly remember what it was and what it looked like because we had biscuits and gravy that she had made that morning and it was by far the worst smelling vomit I have ever smelled. I could smell the milk she used to make the biscuits and gravy with. I remember feeling so uncomfortable wearing it and smelling it while trying to manually finish as fast as I could cause the only thing I could think of was getting in the shower and washing myself off. I don't know how I myself did not throw up.

So here's where things get weird. Obviously something is wrong with her, no surprise there but my feelings about the situation also became weird. It was the first time someone ever threw up on me and while I would expect myself to be repulsed by such an act, which I was. If Im being honest, I have to admit that I also became extremely aroused in some strange way that I don't fully understand. I became aroused while it was happening but I also became fixated on it in the immediately after. Like I would randomly but constantly think Bout it all day while at work. I have used it as a mental aid during masterbation and ended up asking her if we could do repeat the act not even a week later, which she didn't seem to have a problem with agreed to. This time we used the shower so it was easier to clean and didn't have to wash blankets. I'm deeply embarrassed about this I haven't told anyone I know About it. Our relationship ended like two weeks later so that was the only times, but I worry a little that she might try to use this weird kink to embarrass me or claim that I was the one being forceful or ruff with her. Maybe over thinking this. Sometimes I get sad and feel like I lost something good like even though she was a terrible person and I know I'm much better off and happier without her. I get sad when I think I'll never be able to express myself sexually with another person like I did with her. I'll likely never get to have that particular experience again. I probably get judged real hard and possibly rejected by potential partners for requesting something so disgusting and abnormal. Like why do I even get turned on but that it's not normal and I may have something wrong with me. I think like why the hell would she even do that? Where did she learn or pick that up from. It feels like she intentionally tried to ruin sex for me considering how we broke up not long after. It's like she new she was going to do something so outlandish by raising my expectations of sex that could never be realistically fulfilled. I don't know. Maybe I just need to learn more about myself, my needs and meeting them in healthier ways. Smh.

/r/BPDlovedones Thread