Just wanted to let you know how you feel, but I want you to look at your situation as an opportunity. For example, you don't have any children. This is fantastic, because unlike many people, you can up and go after anything you want, and you'll have nothing to lose, because you don't have to feed one, two, three kids.
Forget about earning online income. Imagine you were already earning $1000 or $2000 or $3000 per month in completely passive income. All your bills are paid. What would you do now? Would you sit at home and play video games? Would you go out and take dance lessons? Would you go after your dream of being a film director? Would you start a coffee shop? Would you start a blog? Would you travel?
Whatever it is that you would do if you had enough income to cover all your needs, go after it now. Go broke or in debt if you have to do it. Use couchsurfing.com if you can't pay your rent. Work on a farm for food and accommodation in Europe (www.wwoof.net). Live in hostels. Use car-sharing sites like blablacar.com. Do whatever it takes to break free from your current reality. After all, if you're contemplating suicide, surely going broke or going in debt isn't all that bad?
You're absolutely right to think about suicide -- if you're not happy with life, what's the point of living? But -- and this is a big but -- there's a better solution to unhappiness than suicide. And that is: simply doing what makes you happy. "But I need to have a roof over my head!" Ok, so now you're giving your power away to a roof. "But I have bills to pay". Ok, you can give your power away to bills too.
You can give your power away in soooo many ways. Choose your pick: bills, parents, girlfriend, children, roof, food, health, etc. And yet you see people with far less using their power and going after what they want. Be one of them. Stop focusing on how to make that extra few dollars online, and sit down and figure out WHAT IS IT THAT I ACTUALLY WANT TO DO WITH MY LIFE.
If I had the money, if I had the health, if I had the youth, if I had the [insert your "prerequisite" here].... I would do this with my life. I would devote my life to this. I would explore this in life. I would pursue this goal. What is it you ACTUALLY want to do?
It's ok if you can't do it yet. It's ok to say "This is what I actually want to do with my life, but right now I'm not strong enough to go after it." That's fine. You can get stronger, just like you can lift weights to get progressively stronger over months and months. The point is -- don't delude yourself for one second longer. Ask yourself what you want, what lifestyle you want, where you want to live, what kind of friends you want to have, what kind of fulfilling amazing dream work you want to do in life... and admit to yourself that that is what you want.
You DON'T want the pieces of paper. You don't actually want that number in your bank account. What you want is (a) the freedom to do what you want, and (b) the courage to pursue it. On the first point, you already have the freedom. Yes, you do. I don't care how many bills you have to pay, you have the freedom to walk away from that and live on a farm, or hitchhike across the country, or sleep in a van. A pigeon can do that. Are you seriously saying you're less free than a pigeon?
On the second point -- that's where the real problem is. Courage. Yes, it takes courage. You are NOT going to get to the life you want without courage. The good news is you don't need to gain all of that courage all at once. Small steps are a good place to start with. But you will need to face your fears. That may involve going bankrupt. It may involve quitting your job. It may involve ending a relationship with an unsupportive SO who maybe wants you to stay in your 'stable secure job'. All of those things and more will require courage to overcome. But it's doable. And it's worth it. And you owe it to yourself to pursue this path of courage.
You don't owe it to anyone else to keep living. But you owe it to yourself to keep living. You owe it to yourself to experience that path of courage. Afterwards, you can decide whether to end your life. After you go broke and after you go bankrupt and if you find yourself truly in that homeless situation that many people fear, then you can suicide. That option will always be there. But until then -- try the other path. Try the path that you refuse to take because it requires real courage.
You are worth more than any of your problems. You DON'T have to give your power away to them anymore. And you certainly don't have to make a living online before you give yourself permission to go after what you really want.