After I found all of this and had some time to settle it in and analyze I've found that the whole single motherhood thing could have something sinister about it.

To be fair I don't know why she did this but my mom took me(1 year old) when she was pregnant 8-9 months with my brother and left my dad to another state. He didn't pursue us and told that he doesen't want to pay for us or see us.

My mom would either not speak about him / ridicule him etc. but she was never really mad at him I think. He went on to be a cuckold for some other woman who used him so I figure that he is a total beta - military man btw.

It dawned on me just recently, when I was talking to my best male friend whom I know from when we were nine, thorough elementary school, middle school, high school and even college that mom actively was isolating me from my environment using extreme emotional blackmail and pity on herself and someone else who was there.

She claims that it was for my protection but come on it's understandable when you're 12, 15 but 20? During my first year of college I lived with her and she would use massive shaming and emotional blackmail just to keep me out of meeting with whatever friends I've made.

There was no money for me, for nothing not even to go to the cinema with some friends. I couldn't even leave the house when it started to get dark, when I wouldn't come back she would get my friend's phone number and call him at our metting place to shame me to come back. Everyone laughed at it and I became more isolated and more of a laughing stock thorought the years.

This build up massive amounts of anger and frustration, because she used emotional blackmail I didn't know what to do with it and where to channel all the anger.

I resorted to locking myself out of the world from fear of ridicule and further problems, I once used to love learning in peace - totally stopped that, developed a obsession on a popular video game and I was very good at it, it gave me the minimal social contact and sense of achivement that I needed so much.

It was a place where I would escape from her irrationality, my problems and the "mommy new friend" who is a fucking bastard btw. a complete male counter-example how you shouldn't be.

For the rest of my teens and early 20's I would lock my self in that virtual world.

When I was 21 I was finally forced to deal with the outside world, the result was that I've had complete lack of social skills and everywhere I went I became an outcast.

But the worst thing was that I was completely oblivious as to why I was being left out, isolated etc. I didn't see that I was just doing what they taught me, I was isolating myself because I didn't know how to behave it was like I've spent my whole life in a closet and just came out to civilization disguised as a regular guy.

Other people notice this really fast and I was in a wolrd of hurt, the worse thing being as I've mentioned not knowing why it works this way.

Now when I'm a semi-failing adult I still feel like a hopeless boy, mom of course doesen't remember all the abuse and tries to tell my that "You had so much friend when you were 12, 13 and then suddenly you became like this... what happened?", "why are you failing so much I didn't rise you like this!!", "When will I met your girlfriend?"

also when I first discovered TRP and was visiting home for holidays some RP truth slipped during dinner, she immediately took me to the side for a "serious talk" and told me this:

"Son I'm worried about you, you talking that being nice doesen't work and that you need to play a game, what you need to do is to absolutely play no games with women, you need to tell them all your feelings, that you like them etc." she absolutely wouldn't have a 24 year old "man" talking like this.

I've noticed that recently whenever I see her she likes to "accidentaly" refer to me by my father's name(never did that my whole childhood), loves to point out that I'm a failure, and keeps me constantly in the dark with family matters.

She actively pushes for me to get a good-paying job and to find a "good girl", but I have this feeling that she's more worried about her future than mine...

Before I wouldn't notice that she's been actually sabotaging me for my entire life...