Hi yes it's me: God. Yeah, I know, I'm a woman of color. Not what you were expecting but my name is Being. I'm just a Being. You are highly encouraged to call me Beyoncé though.

First things first no need to ask me where I come from. I come from a cervix. True story. Mama God was like, "Being, you're 18 now so you have to GTFO my house. I'm sick and tired of you shedding everywhere like a cat, crying relentlessly at those damn Humane society commercials, and telling the pizza guy you love him more than sex because he brings you pizza."

So here I am. Mama God is from an evolved specie and I mimicked it to create you people.

I know, I know. Some of us are highly more attractive than others. I like fucking with you people. Y'all dumb. You spend so much time trusting people by what they look like and not by how they use the knives in their thoughts.

That's your purpose. Your purpose is to learn. Learn the best way to live among others comfortably. You're like, "Being, you bitch, why don't you just tell us how?"

Because I didn't appreciate how comfortable I was in Mama God's house. I didn't work for any of it. Is it a sign that maybe I'm imperfect? No. I knew I was lucky. I knew I had it good. But I didn't experience hard work. I knew hard work but I didn't do hard work.

So here's some rules:

1) Fuck the golden rule. Did I say y'all are dumb? Yeah. Y'all are dumb. Y'all are self-interested little beings (yes, you're named after me you're welcome it's an honor) and will use anything to further your interests. You don't care about other people. It's why you idiots street harass random people that are just trying to get home and watch Netflix. Don't "well I'd be flattered if someone told me I had a nice ass" me. Fuck the golden rule here's this: respect other people's autonomy. Autonomy. Yes. The concept that you own yourself. Your body and your mind is your own property. Other people's minds and bodies: not yours. Do not interfere on anybody's property without their explicit permission, and if someone invades your body autonomy without your permission, if you don't like it, and if it's not for your own good, you have every right to smack that bitch.

The reason I made you self-interested is that it's a blockade from being exploited by others. It's so you know that your autonomy is being violated. You have everything you need inside your mental capabilities, okay?

Side tip: Spaghetti sticks when its' ready, hot cocoa and cake batter tastes better if you replace water with milk, animals don't exist for you and neither do the stars, and use protection for whatever crazy pursuit you want. 1,500 species practice homosexuality (including yours), taxes are usually due March/April because we're on Mama God's property, the only thing that has a gender is a sex toy, and the only clothes that won't look good on you are clothes from a culture that isn't yours. When you die you return to the universe and you'll be scattered about for other beings to continue to prosper. It's a cycle.

Peace.