Too little direction?

This is part of the same convo, (start, almost through to where the post was)

[SCENE 1] [EXT. HOSPITAL. DAY. CLOUDY/MILD]

Ellis exits alone through the front door. He looks out and surveys the middle distance. He is free, but his mind is heavy. He seems pensive, troubled. He inserts his earbuds and begins to play music from his phone. The music plays and he begins to walk down the road along the footpath. He reaches a street corner. The street is quiet.

He is struck from behind and goes down in a heap. We do not see the attacker but for blurred movement. He comes to moments later. He is dazed, checks his pockets. His phone and wallet are gone. He collapses back to the ground with a look of exasperated capitulation.

[SCENE 2] [EXT. ANDY’S APARTMENT. STREET ENTRANCE. EARLY EVENING.]

Ellis buzzes the intercom. Andy arrives at the door

ANDY ‘ello sunshine - how are… Jesus - what the fuck happened to you?

ELLIS Get the first round in, and I’ll tell ya

CUT TO: [BAR. INTERIOR. A DIMLY LIT ROOM IN A QUIET ESTABLISHMENT. IT’S A LOCAL HAUNT.]

ELLIS sits, nursing and checking his injuries. ANDY arrives with two pints

ANDY Cor Ellis, I hope you got a shot in at least. I know you’re not exactly David Haye, but -

ELLIS Didn’t even get a look in. Some shitty little kid swerving his education, I suspect.

ANDY Right. Yeah, probably. Oh well - don’t let it ruin your day. You’re out now. That’s all that matters. What’s that compared to the price of freedom, eh?

A look crosses ELLIS’S face, the magnitude of his real problem is heavy and prevalent in his mind.

ELLIS It’s not the wallet that I care about.

ANDY I was talking about the shame from getting mugged off by a kid. You lose something other than your dignity then?

ELLIS ignores the remark. Casually glancing up at ANDY. He moves in his seat. ANDY reciprocates

ELLIS My phone

ANDY ...so what? We’ll get you another one. I’ve got three back at the flat that I…

ELLIS It’s not the phone. It’s what was on it.

ANDY Oh yeah. Few saucy snaps of naked housewives was it? You pass the time in there playing where’s the bracelet on ‘grindr’ did you?

ELLIS Leave off Andy.

ANDY Sorry, just trying to lighten the mood a little. I’ve seen happier faces next to a dog shit bin.

ELLIS Well, you’re not helping - mate.

ANDY I’m sorry bud. Didn’t mean to upset you. What’s up? Don’t bottle it up, you know what that kind of pressure does to you. Go on, unscrew the lid and let it all out.

ELLIS pauses as he works himself up the the emotion of his train of thought.

ELLIS I’m just… it’s just that I’m a little bit tired of that prodding finger in the small of my back from noon ‘til fucking nighttime. Most of my life I’ve done the dirty work for a bunch of hairy titted neanderthals, jumping to the their beat every time they smack their chests. We’ve done alright over the years, but somehow it seems that whenever the shit gets smeared up the proverbial, or literal, walls and things go tits up, the blokes who are safely sealed at the top of the tower comes up smelling of roses, while the rest of us are left to clean up the fertiliser. I can’t hand over control to these people anymore; we’re better than that Andy. Surely you must agree? Listen, we’ll be better off on our own, believe me.

ANDY And getting mugged…

ELLIS I told you, I don’t care about the having my pockets emptied. Getting mugged just served as a reminder of what I need to do next.

ANDY Oh yeah - what’s that then?

ELLIS Stop being the gardener and start being the florist.

ANDY Metaphors never were your strong point.

ELLIS What I mean is - we start working for ourselves, by ourselves. You’ve been keeping busy, I trust?

ANDY Well, I’ve kept an ear to the ground, sure. But you know, Francois…

ELLIS Fuck Francois! Fuck that twisted lunatic!

ANDY quickly moves to stifle ELLIS’ outburst

ANDY Oi! Steady on! (He lowers his tone, checks the bar for anyone who may be listening) That ‘lunatic’ hasn’t exactly gone away, you know. Since you’ve been tucked away out of sight, there’ve been at least two jobs it’s reckoned he was behind. And his reach is growing ever-fucking-longer, my effusive friend. He’s like the Stretch Armstong of the underworld, if you know what I mean?

ELLIS heeds this begrudgingly

ELLIS What were those then?

/r/Screenwriting Thread Parent