It's been 3.5 or maybe 4 years single. I kinda lost count. In the past year I've gone on at least 20 first dates, a few second ones, and had some short-term relationships with two different women.

The first one was last November, and we dated about a month before her front cracked. She was pretending to be over her divorce and happy with her life, and it all ended one Sunday morning out of nowhere. I felt gaslit in a few ways, especially with how she tried interacting with me after. Some of y'all may remember I planned for us to go to Longwood Gardens for her b-day, she ended things the Sunday before, and then asked if I was still taking her. When I said, "You ended things," she said, "I didn't really end things, and also why didn't you fight for me???" So that one sucked because it started so good.

Then in March I met this great woman and she was not necessarily my type but we had a great time. One Sunday morning about a month into things I got a text saying she wasn't feeling it. I accepted that, even though it blindsided me.

It's been hard the past 6 months to really take dating too seriously, especially with being ghosted or stood up on first-dates more times than I can count. Yet, here I am, talking to this amazing woman. I'm sober 5 months, down 50lbs, and have a great feeling about this gal.

I'm worried that it's going to end like the other two, but I'm doing my absolute best to keep my head forward and thinking positive. I need to remember lessons from therapy about changing my inner dialogue to positivity and not letting the past affect me.

I'm typing this mostly to just get some thoughts out of my head, but if anyone wanted to chime in that's cool. Just wanted to do some temporary journaling.