stole this from a GD Group on FB:
PRESS RELEASE!!!! The Interwebs are aglow this week after sparks of a Grateful Dead >50th Anniversary Tour or set of Shows were just looking for enough >gasoline to create a fire. It seems as though the rumors were once >again given the traction they needed when unofficial Grateful Dead >writer, Scott Allen, Once again was the first on the scene pretending >to know something about the future. Scott, whose most recent >publication, AB2B has sold nearly 2,000 copies, reported last year >from The Capitol Theater, in Port Chester, NY, that Phil was the last >member of The Band to sign a contract agreeing to Play The Lockn' >Festival for the Reunion. Interestingly enough, Lockn Tickets were >scheduled to go on sale within weeks. Apparently the talk backstage >that night involved drummer, Joe Russo, saying to some of the guys >after meeting a middle aged female fan, "I'll be Lockin that ass in my >room later". It's also been rumored that Scott is receiving a 5 figure >salary from the Grand Poobah of Today's Psychedelic Scene, Peter >Shapiro, for sniffing the strychnine and Metamucil farts out of the >seats in the balcony following Phil and Friends Performances. To >Furthur accelerate the anticipation of things to come, Bob Weir was >overheard at one of Sammy Hagar's Holiday Parties saying, "If she >asks me to do one more damn project around the house, I'm going >back on the road!!! Doesn't she know I'm Bob Fuckin Weir???" In his most recent post, The Anniversary Shows are now headed to >Soldier Field in Chicago on 4th of July weekend and will feature a >longtime fan favorite on guitar, Ginger from Gilligan's Island. As the >reports began to spread faster than Venereal Diseases at Rainbow >Gatherings, Social Network Moderators policing the band's devout fan >base were attempting to calm the insanity and maintain some >semblance of order. It seems as though the rumor mill turned into a >ferris wheel regarding the guitarist that would sit in with the band. >The word on the street is that guitar players will be rotating through >the band quicker than blowjobs in the 80s. While everybody began to >know somebody that knows somebody it seems as though nobody >knows anybody including this somebody. When I attempted to contact >Bill Kreutzmann regarding the rumors he answered briefly by saying, >"Who The Fuck are you and How did you get my number??? Go Fuck >yourself you nobody, I'm Bill Kreutzmann DAMNIT!!!" I attempted to reach Mickey as well but his representatives told me >he was putting an end to Global Hunger through drumming or some >kind of shit like that. When I asked if she could be more specific she >replied, "Sure, Call back after you go Fuck Yourself!" The news created a shakeup on Wall Street as Cheese Futures made >a dramatic upturn. When asked why he failed to get on board, >Warren Buffett, No relation to Jimmy, stated he was unsure of the >"Juice" the Core 4 had within the Jamming Community and feared >that aging fans most likely developed varying sensitivities to products >containing lactose. Sales of Coleman Camping Stoves rose in direct >proportion to cheese Futures... Problems continue to circulate about Insurance Policies which seems >to be a wonderful scapegoat for what promises to be high dollar >tickets. A large portion of the fan base, still living in their now >deceased parent's basements and wearing the same concert T they >purchased at Barton Hall in 77 call this move "Unkind". They also find >it totally uncool that their Barton Hall Shirt can now be purchased >new at Walmart for under $8... When Phil was asked about ticket >prices he replied, "Brutha gotta eat!!! And Jill don't wear no Payless >Shoes Honky!!!" With all the guessing and speculation, only one thing is certain, Phish >fan and Rail Rider, Antelope Greg is already waiting on line to get in >as we speak. Highly opinionated Dead Heads are calling for the death >of anyone who attempts to even think about playing guitar. Bob is... >Still Resting... Phil continues to give his donor rap to the exact same >1800 people for the past decade. Internet Message Board Police are >removing antagonistic members quicker than Lindane shampoo >removes Pubic Lice and me, Dean Sottile, I don't know shit... The >only member of the entire fan base to readily admit, I have no >connections at all... Not a single damn one... Stay Grateful My Friends... Love You Forever!!!