I really wish I were stronger.

YOU LEFT! That takes real, deep strength. You recognized that you were in an unsafe situation for both you and your baby, so you left. That's huge! It's absolutely going to be hard working to stay strong, but you've already shown so much strength. You just have to keep moving forward. Even if you look down on yourself (you shouldn't), think of the baby that you're teaching to be strong, be kind, and be loved by raising them in a safe environment.

I can tell you from experience that your child is not going to remember an old apartment, hand-me-down clothes, generic brands, etc. They will remember a mom who protected them when they needed it most.

Don't be afraid to ask for help. People and organizations will want to help you. You do deserve care and compassion and you will find it. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other and you're going to get there.