Funny, huh?
On one level... this world is such that any neutral comments will be skewed negatively, and words used with a negative connotation (despite their actual meaning) will cause offense. I’m, personally, very good at getting through life without setting off one of those mines.
It means I don’t ever really talk to most people like adults but whatever. Your optimism in communicating with people is refreshing!
What’s extra funny is that: other people are allowed to just verbally diarrhea all over the place but hold us SO accountable when we say something that’s possibly maybe not 100% sugarcoated.
Anyway there’s 2 routes to take as it relates to your social life.
I separate the camps into •Obligation/Acquaintance and •Friend
•Obligation/Acquaintance: May be your: Boss, Coworkers, In laws etc. Gotta watch your words around them. I keep them at arm’s length since... you can’t really have a conversation with them. Keep it always nice! Be mindful of the words you use and how people can construe them in the worst way. Most family is also in this camp for myself.
•Friends: Anyone that’s demonstrated they can speak like adults. If they’re the thoughtless type, that tends to say spicy stuff accidentally, it’s fine as long as they’re cool with me doing it too. If they’re nice but open minded, that’s fine too. Some people are surprisingly cool with how straightforward INTJ can be.
The Friends camp is small but reliable! I can usually trust those people to hear me out without jumping to the worst possible version of what I said.