Second: the no fucks zone This is not to be confused with apathy but honed value management awareness. All over trp and mrp I see this mistake. People confuse stoicism with not giving a fuck, people confuse apathy with not giving a fuck. People confuse pragmatism with being skeptical. People confuse knowing your value and internal value, with being able to ignore and maintain frame. This really needs to stop.
Not giving a fuck, from hereon referred to as the zone, is a state of confident, constant, informed, OBJECTIVE value management. Remember how you must never allow the world to eat you? Don't give away value for free? SAYING NO? That's what it takes to truly be in the zone.
The apathetic is not in the zone, for apathy can have no goal.
The stoic is not in the zone, for stoicism is only a presentation, not a passion for choice.
The asshole is not in the zone for the asshole has not learned that civility is free marketing.
The pretender 'fake it until you make it' is not in the zone, they are an actor, and those who live the real thing will always sense an charlatan.
Being aware of your desires puts you in the zone. Knowing what you want and being dedicated to the point of happily saying no is in the zone. Recognizing a leech to your value and surgically removing it, no matter how small, is being in the zone.
So how do I get to the zone? That's the hard question though it is another one that can be addressed with something dad and granddad always said: At the end of this post you'll find an EXAMPLE system to better know yourself and your time management. This is the system I've used that works for my life, there are myriad ways of putting yourself in the zone. For now, the words I was brought up with, paraphrasing;
First you must know yourself, then know what you want, then know what you do not have time for. Then you must act. Victory never goes to a critic, a planner, a theorist, but the man in the arena.
Yes. Both of them respected Roosevelt with a passion.
Why you're already in the zone You are already in the zone. I guarantee it. Any opportunity that you happily turn down in order to better yourself towards a goal is you being in the zone. What your goal is of course, makes the difference. Saying no to video games to go out with friends? The zone. Saying no to friends in favor of study or work? The zone. Saying no to an iced cream because you're at calorie limit? The zone. Knowing your goal and responding without a second thought to protect it is being in the zone. Having a level head in negotiation? The zone. Why? Simple, you've internalized what is valuable to you. You don't need to pretend, you are your goals and values.
In depth on what the zone is, a theory. In middle school I began the finding myself phase, due to what my parents taught me I already knew how to say no, but I began treating it with undue reverence to the extreme without sufficient understanding of the reasons. I turned down between middle school and highschool graduation, many opportunities, before realizing the difference on being in the zone versus simply acting a stoic. Being in the zone you will say yes to inconvenience if there's a worthwhile payout. Simply acting stoically often means you miss or ruin opportunities because you're balancing the character your playing with your value management. Often in spite of it since you're not truly being objective, 'you haven't learned your true goals' you're just playing cold.
Turning down something as a way to maintain frame, come across as a hard catch, or to create false demand is stupid. Turning down something because it steals from your value is essential. This is not to say the two are mutually exclusive. It is to highlight that saying no to a girl at a party is a good decision not when you're attempting to build an image, but when your image value would take net loss. You will know the difference between internalizing and acting when you no longer need to think about it. The poor offer will only be seen as harming your goal. Being stoic isn't necessary when in an argument because of staying objective, it will happen when you know your goals so well that you can instantly recognize something impeding you, or at the least delaying you.
Knowing what the zone is not, the danger of the wrong reasoning Knowing your goals and internalizing, living by them brings you the zone. You know what it is now, but why should you care? You should care because there are others out there like you, they mimic you, they can taste authenticity in drive versus carefully regulated stone demeanor. There is a massive difference between staying cold and dependable and being driven enough to know value where you see it, and saying no to a lack thereof. If you are simply playing a mask instead of being the person you're nothing more than a beautiful doll. Yes, fake it until you make it is great for habit forming, but it is not going to cut it in that crucial moment where a higher value VIP is considering your buffet and senses your false face isn't genuine. Say goodbye to that opportunity. An actor shall act where expected. An authentic will do as is required.
Do not ever make the mistake of fooling yourself into assessing your value as higher than it is. Do not ever assume that pretending is enough, it cannot be, and I'd it is you're either very lucky or playing way below your challenge level. By taking the approach of value management, you have decided to play with the big boys, you're eventually, inevitably dealing with people who've been doing this a lifetime. They will eat you unless you take the time and perspective to be authentic in you're value. Yes start small and fake it if you must, but you're better off spending time focusing on knowing yourself, and letting your growing self awareness and certainty make the difference passively.
This way of approaching the zone works wonders, though by far IT IS NOT THE ONLY WAY.