I'm new to reddit. Heard about this confession thread. I just red through the post again. Sorry about the length and sorry about spelling and grammatical errors. I rushed through writing it this after I cracked open an old bottle of whiskey.

I appreciate the up votes. I understand they give this post more views which I need. I need somebody to tell me something. Even it's damning. I need something. The last week since I called younger sister, I've can't think about anything else. I've become zombified and numb. I look at old photos of us and find myself wondering how they've been so strong. My Aunt's been calling me since incessantly since a couple days ago when I told her I was sorry for all the trouble I caused. She says she's worried and I tell her I'm fine. My older cousin was waiting for me at my apartment when I got home from work. He's almost like my older brother. He's been there quite a bit for me. He's the one that told me about my neighbors. I think he knows something or has picked up on something. He sat with me and checked my house for liquor. I didn't have any then. He sat with me and kept asking what was wrong, said he knew something was up. He said sometimes when he looks at me or talks to me it's hard because it seems like I'm in pain and that I have some demons I need to let out. I can't bring myself to tell him. I didn't realize it but he took the old hunting rifle my uncle left me. They can all tell something's up. My sisters have been calling. I just watch the phone ring, sitting here in front of my computer, unable to pick up, unable to talk. I'm coming down from the whiskey and I'm calming down the best I can. I'm not going to hurt myself, it would be too selfish, weak, and cause more pain to the people I love. I just don't know how to fix what's happened. I feel like I was a child relenting. I feel like the ADHD was a miss diagnosis. I feel like I have PTSD or something. I just want to go back. I want to reset everything. I've gotten what I want. My sisters are happy. They're okay. But they're worried about me, and that hurts more than these memories.