Recently told my father that I was raped at 9 a couple of times. That then started sexual intrusive thoughts and that I acted on them when I was 10 to my younger sister.
Father took it kind of well, he’s a mental health expert, his wife (my step mum) apparently is loosing her shit, dads trying to stop her from going to the police about me due to the fact that it only happened because it happened to me first and because I was so young, I thought it was just a thing you did but didn’t talk about.
Turns out because of me doing it to her, she has lots of issues now and is seeing 2 councillors and now that the two parents know, they asked her if it was because of me. She got her councillor to tell them her issues, depression, anxiety, don’t like being touched is indeed because of what I did. However, she says it happened more than once, a couple times over 3 years along with punches and slaps. This would’ve been when I was 10-13 and her 6-9. I don’t remember or agree to any of that except for the 1 thing I do remember. I acted on the wrong impulses when I was 10.
However I do have a record of repressing bad/traumatising things so far down that I don’t remember them/things at all unless the event is described to me, then I’ll remember it. So maybe I did, but I don’t think I did. Father thinks I did it for the first 2 years, not the third, and agrees I was too physical. He also thinks I have a personality disorder cause of the Andy symptoms and having trouble showing remorse or empathy in general with a lack of social skills… now that I think about that, he’s kind of right. Maybe I do, I don’t know
I don’t agree or remember anything about what dad believes tho except for the first time so now I’m in therapy. If a single other family member finds out about this, it will literally destroy 2 seperate family’s and my life. I’ve started seeing a physiatrist a couple weeks ago to sort through it and try and get better. Hopefully I can have a brother sister relationship again with her and make it up to her for the rest of our lives. Hopefully I can see them again after a while if therapy.
Sorry this is so long… first time talking about this with someone’s that’s NOT my dad. I don’t want this on my record for the rest of my life. Then my life is fucked cause of what I did when I was 10, maybe 11 because of the cunt that did it to me at 9. Fuck sakes