What do you identify as? (This is a joke question-read below)

I ear-dentify as...

I have an absurd position that I take whenever things get to polarized. I pay very close attention to the earlobes. If the antagonist (shooter/looter/murderer/etc) has directly attached earlobes I point it out and use prejudice language. This disarms anyone who is thinking about gender/race/eye sockets/skin color as a profile. Because the number one indicator of a filthy person is if their ears are directly attached.

So, fast forward a few years and I'm in the presence of a gay dude that has spent a small fortune on cosmetic surgery. He has tight shiny skin with plump lips and makeup. AND this horrible creature had directly attached earlobes. I really wanted to use all my jokes but I felt he had gone through enough hate in his life that my joke would sting and not be funny. So now, I identify as a direct-attached earlobe even though I am cis-dangly earlobe.

/r/ask Thread