I realized something was off almost two years into my relationship with my first serious gf when she seemed way more lively and excited for everything in her life outside of our relationship. She made it feel like an inconvenient chore to have one short phone call over the holidays when we were apart, which was a drastic change from the first year of dating when she was really into me and often initiating contact. I started getting really insecure, but wouldn't admit to myself that she was pushing me away, and rationalized it however I could.

Things only got worse from there. She stopped making any effort whatsoever to put on a good face for my parents when they visited, like she already knew we were going to break up sooj so their opinions didn't matter. She became very condescending and emotionally unsupportive if I ever had a hard time with school or work. She literally would text back "ugh" to me telling her I'd written something new, when she used to love my writing, she'd tell me in detail about her crushes on other people because they were "like me but NOT me," stuff like that. I was still very emotionally attached and afraid of breaking up, so I let her treat me like dirt, and it became a vicious cycle as she then had even less respect for me. Things ended terribly a few months later with her cheating on me several times and basically doing everything possible to force me to end it without doing it herself.

It was painful, but I learned to trust my gut on things feeling "off" with someone and the importance of communication instead of ignoring it. I clung too much to the memories of the early good times and ignored how abusive and shitty it became for a long while. Also learned to never let someone walk all over you in the hopes you can win them back, because they will only resent you more for your lack of spine and making them feel like a jerk constantly.

Ironically, I realized it was time to end my next relationship when I could feel myself fighting urges to behave similarly to how SHE had treated me in the end-- the disinterest and lack of effort and resentment I was drifting into in my next relationship were clear indications that I needed to break it off before I became that kind of hurtful toward someone else. Even though I would never behave the cruel way she did after being on the receiving end, I think I understood both sides better in a weird way after that.