Throwaway.

Always watch where you're going. At all times.

As a college freshman geek earlier this month, I was put up in a hotel room in another state to participate in a debate competition.

I got undressed for a shower, and walked right out the wrong door, into the hallway as naked as the day I was born.

I literally just willfully walked right out the front door in my birthday suit.

I realized my mistake the moment the door swung back and hit my very white bubble butt as it clicked shut.

I was totally exposed. Not fat but an eats-Doritos-while-studying belly. Small package in the cool hallway air. Big, round, white bubble butt behind me.

A woman older than my mom saw me from behind head to toe and caught sight of my naked, white tush shaking as I desperately tried to open the locked door. She laughed out loud.

Instead of laughing it off and playing it cool, I turned, covered my package with my hands and yelled "OH GOSH, DON'T LOOK...I---I'M NAKED!!!!!" and ran off down the hallway, round bubble butt shaking up a storm to her even louder laughter.

I panicked and streaked down the very long, very chilly hallway with my admittedly small package flapping free and hid in the cold stairwell until help arrived.

Those 20 minutes in the stairwell/hallway in the nude until I finally saw a housekeeper are the most embarrassing moments of my entire life.

Although after, I consoled myself by saying "well, it's humiliating, but nobody else will ever know."

At the debate, my opponent shook my hand, leaned in and said into my ear "Come at me and I'll let everybody know about your little romp without your clothes last night. Nice mole on your left butt-cheek, naked boy." And gave me a pat on the butt.

I was totally psyched out and I lost badly.