So this is something I did for her.

We had been dating for about a month and I had a party at my place. Everyone got pretty shitfaced of course and for once she was actually still awake when everyone left. When she gets suuuuper fucking drunk she kind of stops responding to people talking to her and I call her "Other Stephanie" (not her real name).

Anyways, we were alone and I was brushing my teeth. She was standing in the hallway with this sort of wide-eyed look. She went into the laundry room and shut the door. I was asking her if everything was okay through the door and she gave me a short "Yes. Don't come in." About a minute later she came out and shut the door behind her with the same wide-eyed look. She went into the bedroom and immediately fell asleep.

Thinking she threw up in there or something I went in to check it out. I was seriously fucked up myself but I consider myself to be relatively able to take care of things while drunk. There was a definite faint smell of shit. I checked the floor, under things, in the hallway, etc. and I couldn't find it. I thought I was imagining it but as I was cleaning up beer cans I could definitely still smell it. I went back into the laundry room and opened up the dryer. There was just this mound of shit on the bottom.

I held my breath and got some red solo cups to scoop it up. It took three trips to the side of the neighbor's yard where I dumped it out in the grass. It was raining so in my drunken state I figured it was okay. I threw the red solo cups into the neighbor's trash can after removing the bag that was on top and then putting it back so the cups wouldn't be visible. I then cleaned it up with some clorox wipes and sprinkled some bleach and wiped it up with a paper towel and went to bed. Knowing she would be absolutely mortified if I told her, I kept it to myself. About a year later I finally told her and she was mortified as expected. 4 years later and we're engaged, but she still won't let me tell people about it haha.