Hello,

So I relate to your post immensely. I was raised in a highly religious fundamentalist family. As a teen I would have periods of extreme doubt, almost anger at the fact that the people around me held such ridiculous beliefs and held them with such fervor. Then there were other times when I could swear that I felt the presence of god when I entered the church.

I was diagnosed with bipolar 2 at the age of 19. I'm 28 now. It took years for me to finally start doing what it takes to handle my mental health. I tried praying it away for years.

I essentially came to the same conclusion you did. Every time I felt positive about my religious experience, it was when I was in a hypomanic phase. When I came out of that phase of euphoria, I would start feeling the logical doubts that come with being clear headed. Then I would sink into depressions so deep that I would beg god to let me feel the comfort of his pressence that I had once felt, and I'd get nothing.

It was because no amount of praying was going to bring me out of my depression. I needed medical help.

Talking to my family about leaving the church was one of the hardest things I ever did, and it was not a peaceful experience where everyone understood my feelings and motivations. Quite the opposite, actually. They tried to convince me that it was the devil leading me astray. Some even went so far as to tell me the mood stabilizers I had been prescribed for my bipolar were nothing more than the devil's work. None of my family members quit talking to me, but I definitely became the black sheep. They're now tense and closed off when they're in my presence.

And I don't care.

Before my diagnosis, I felt like a ship being tossed around at sea. I was a slave to my swinging brain chemistry. I could only feel good when I was hypomanic or neutral. They majority of the time, I felt like I was slowly dying. Getting a handle on my disease was the best decision I ever made.

I don't have any solid advice to give you about discussing the situation with your wife. Just be honest and hope that she's compassionate enough to actually try to understand where you're coming from, instead of instantly dismissing it as you being tempted by the devil.

I hope this works out for you.