What do you need to get off your chest?

i’m terrified of failure. so terrified that it’s hard for me to get started on things and push myself to work on them. i panic every time i have to try something new. i overthink everything and i really don’t like to. it’s something i accept about myself, but god it’s hard to push sometimes. i grew up learning the feeling of humiliation very intimately, i became close friends with loneliness. it’s hard for me to break now, really hard to overcome the traumas that programmed me. i’m chronically lonely now, out of self protection. i cry almost every night because of it. i want to make friends but it’s not easy when i feel like i’m in a different stage of life than most people my age (19). i want friends that are in tune with themselves and have a positive and loving energy, but i’m so afraid of disappointing people like this that i just end up making friends with people who are mentally ill and influence me negatively. it’s comforting, in a way. i know i have a lot of work to do but sometimes life just overwhelms me and i can’t find the strength in myself. i’m tired of living like this, i’m tired of being afraid of myself.

/r/DeepThoughts Thread