I am extremely alone and I have secluded myself from society for the last 6 months.

I am 19, and I used to go to community college, but now I'm taking a "break." In the one year and a half that I spent in college, I barely spoke to anyone.I never hung out with anyone outside of school, and I spent most of my time alone during my studies. I would make acquaintances with people, and I would help them with math homework or something, but we were no more than acquaintances. I never attempted to maintain or strengthen a friendship with anyone. I had my earphones on all the time, and my phone my best friend during that time. I decided to take a break this year because I found it pointless taking classes without any goal or passion in anything.

The past 6 months have been the loneliest I've been. I haven't left my apartment this whole time. The only time I go out is to take out the trash at night. I have social anxiety, so going out is very uncomfortable for me, and it seems to have worsened the longer I stay inside. I only go out at night because I don't want anyone to see me, not even the neighbors. I haven't had a haircut since last summer, so I look like a mess, and that makes me not want to come out ever. I spent my whole last 6 months wasting away on the couch browsing reddit and playing video games. I barely see my dad because he works pretty much all day, and he says he doesn't mind that I am not doing anything, but I feel deep inside he is disappointed that he has raised a loser of a son. He even told me once that he wishes that I would go out once in a while, find a girlfriend, or hang out with friends.

I feel like crap everyday. I have no useful skills and I don't feel like doing anything. There is a tiny part of me that I feel I cannot deny: feel a part of me enjoys this sloth-like behavior. I feel like I'm wasting my life away. I spent the majority of my final year as a teenager indoors. What kind of a fucking life is that? I should be going out once in a while, I should be studying for that amazing career, and I should be feeling satisfied with life. It is hard for me to leave the house, and I bet the neighbors are wondering what kind of a reclusive weirdo I've become.