"The bank called me up, they said ‘Hi, we’re calling you because you don’t have enough money.’ I said, I know! They said ‘You have insufficient funds,’ and I said, well, I agree with that. I find my funds to be grossly insufficient! Thanks for calling…

Why are you mad at me? I don’t understand what…How is this something I’m doing to you? She was like, ‘Sir, you only have $20, that’s not enough. You can’t only have $20!’ I was like, look, I’m not being broke just to fuck with you, I really don’t have any money! I’m not trying to be a dick, I just…my life is shitty!

So they charged me $15, that’s how much it costs to only have $20. {laughs} But here is the fucked-up part, now I only have $5! What am I paying the $15 for if I don’t get to have the $20…that I paid to have! I paid the fuckin’ money, where is my $20? That’s like going to the movies, you pay for your ticket and they say ‘Get the fuck outta here, go home!’ …But I paid for the movie? ‘No, you paid for a ticket, motherfucker, you didn’t pay for a movie! " - Louis Ck